英语的幽默笑话

　　DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?

　　One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and

　　saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very

　　pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and

　　said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim.

　　What happened? Did your father help you?"

　　"No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all

　　myself," said Tim.

　　你爸爸帮你了吗?

　　一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴

　　，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说："蒂姆，你这次的作业全都

　　做对了，怎么回事?你爸爸帮你做了吗?"

　　"不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。"

　　Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"

　　and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"

　　Pig or Witch 猪还是女巫

　　A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.

　　译文1：一个男人在一条陡峭狭窄的山路上驾车，一个女人相向驾车而来。他们相遇时，那个女的从窗中伸出头来叫到：“猪!!”那个男的'立即从窗中伸出头来回敬道：“女巫!!”他们继续前行。这个男的在下一个路口转弯时，撞上了路中间的一头猪。要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了。

　　Contented Married Life

　　A man was telling one of his friends the secret of his contented married life, "My wife makes all the small decisions," he explained, "and I make all the big ones, so we never interfere in each other's business and never get annoyed with each other. We have no complaints and no arguments."

　　"That sounds reasonable," answered his friend sympathetically. "And what sort of decisions does your wife make?"

　　"Well," answered the man, "she decides what jobs I apply for, what sort of house we live in, what furniture we have, where we go for our holidays, and things like that."

　　His friend was surprised. "Oh?" he said. "And what do you consider important decisions then?"

　　"Well," answered the man, "I decide who should be Prime Minister, whether we should increase our help to poor countries, what we should do about the atom bomb, and things like that."

　　令人满意的婚姻生活

　　一个男人告诉他的朋友自己婚姻幸福美满的秘密，“小事都由我妻子决定，”他解释说：“而我只管大事，我们从不互相干涉，从不生对方的气。我们从来没有抱怨、没有争吵。”

　　“听起来很有道理，”他的朋友深有同感，“有哪些事情由你妻子作决定呢?”

　　“嗯，”那个人回答说：“她决定我申请什么工作，我们住什么房子，买什么家具，去哪里度假这些事情。”

　　他的朋友很惊奇的问道：“哦?那么你决定哪些重要事情?”

　　“嗯，”他回答：“我决定谁来当首相，我们是否要增加对贫困国家的援助，怎么处理原子弹等等这些问题。”

　　汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"

　　吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"

　　附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.

　　Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"

　　and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"

　　汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"

　　吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"

　　附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.