极品英语笑话

　　三只乌龟

　　Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee.

　　Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.

　　The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."

　　The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don't drink my coffee."

　　"We won't," the other two promised.

　　Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isn't coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."

　　Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won't go."

　　三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。

　　它们刚到咖啡店的门口，就下起雨来。

　　于是最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说，“回家去取伞吧。”

　　最小的乌龟说，“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”

　　“我们不喝，”另外两只乌龟答应说。

　　两年后，大乌龟对中乌龟说，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回来了，我们可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”

　　正在这时，一个声音从门外传来，“你们要是喝了，我就不去。”

　　点名

　　On my first day of classes at my university I took a front-row seat in my literature course. The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose. Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began, "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..." I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered, "He's taking attendance."

　　大学的第一天，文学课我坐在了前排。教授告诉我们这学期必须得读五本书，他提供我们可供选择的作者名单。随后他缓步走上讲台，拿出课本，“贝克、布莱克、布鲁斯、卡特、库克…”为了写下所有的名字，我不得不疯狂的作着记录。这时有人轻轻的拍我肩膀，坐在我后面的学生悄悄告诉我：“他在点名呢。”

　　我要做的一切就是付钱!All I do is pay

　　"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My  wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughter is foreign secretary."

　　"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your  position?"

　　"I’m the people. All I do is pay."

　　布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子

　　是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。”

　　“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢?”

　　“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”

　　Goethe's ToleranceGoe

　　the was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said, I'll never make way for a fool. But I will, with that Goethe retreated aside.

　　一次，歌德正在魏玛一个公园的.一条狭窄小道上散步，碰巧他遇见一个对他怀有敌意的评论家。两人都停了下来，彼此相互对视。接着评论家说道：我从来不给傻瓜让路。 可我给，说完歌德退到了一边。

　　公交车上的声明

　　Heard on a public transportation vehicle in Orlando.

　　"When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step."

　　"If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."

　　奥兰多公车上的声明。

　　“当您下车的时候，请务必低头并小心脚下。”

　　“如果您踩空了并撞到您的头了的时候，请您降低音量并注意您的用语。谢谢。”