最新英语笑话幽默网文

　　Psychiatrist

　　Jerry went to a psychiatrist.

　　"Doc," he said, "I've got trouble.

　　Every time I get into bed,

　　I think there's somebody under it.

　　I'm going crazy!"

　　Just put yourself in my hands for one year,"

　　said the shrink.

　　"Come to me three times a week,

　　and I'll cure your fears.

　　" How much do you charge?"

　　A hundred dollars per visit.

　　" I'll sleep on it," said Jerry.

　　Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street.

　　"Why didn't you ever come to see me again?"

　　asked the psychiatrist.

　　For a hundred bucks a visit?

　　The bartender cured me for $10."

　　"Is that so!

　　How?

　　" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

　　Ain't nobody under there now!!!

　　杰瑞去看精神病医生。“医生，我有些不对劲。每次睡觉的时候，我都感觉有人在床下。我要疯了!”

　　“给我一年时间，”医生说，“每周来三次，我会治好你。”

　　“费用是多少呢?”

　　“每次一百美元。”“我会认真考虑的。”杰瑞答道。

　　六个月后医生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“为什么你再也没来呢?”医生问。

　　“一次一百块钱吗?有个酒吧服务生收了十块钱就把我治好了。”

　　“真的?他怎么做到的?”

　　An Entrance Examination

　　入学考试

　　In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music，the teacher asked one of the boys，"What is the most important physiological quality of a musician”

　　在一次音乐学院的入学考试中，老师问一位应试的小伙子:“音乐家最重要的.生理素质是什么?”

　　"To be deaf，”replied the boy.

　　“耳聋。”小伙子回答说。

　　"Nonsense”said the teacher angrily

　　“胡说!”老师愤怒地说。

　　"Why, sirs Don't you know that the most famous musician Beethoven was deaf?”the boy asked in reply disdainfully.

　　“怎么了，先生!您难道连鼎鼎大名的音乐家贝多芬是个聋子都不知道吗?”小伙子轻蔑地反问道。

　　Visiting A Chicken Farm

　　参观养鸡场

　　One day，a teacher took his pupils to a chicken farm to pay a visit. When they came near the incubator，a chick just got out of it’s eggshell.

　　老师带学生到养鸡场参观，当他们走近孵化器时，刚好一只小鸡破壳而出。

　　"It's wonderful to see a little thing come out from the eggshell，isn't it's it?”the teacher said.

　　“看见一个小生命从蛋壳里出来，很奇妙，是不是?”老师说。

　　"Yes，sir，"said one of the boys，“But it would be more wonderful if we knew that how a chick gets into its eggshell beforehand.”

　　“是的，老师，”一个男学生说，“可是，如果我们知道它是怎样事先钻进蛋壳里的那就更奇妙了。”