最新美国晚间脱口秀笑话

　　"Bill Clinton revealed that he now supports same-sex marriage, even though he opposed it during his presidency. To be fair, during his presidency, he also opposed his own marriage." --Jimmy Fallon

　　比尔·克林顿透露说虽然他在总统任期内反对同性婚姻，现在他支持了。咱们公平点说，在他的任期内，他连自己的婚姻都反对的。——吉米·法伦

　　"President Obama's teleprompter fell to the ground and shattered yesterday during a speech on the economy. Wow, even speeches about the economy are crashing." --Jimmy Fallon

　　奥巴马总统的提词机昨天在一场关于经济的演讲中掉到了地上摔碎了。哇哦，连关于经济的演说都能崩溃。——吉米·法伦

　　"President Obama is going to be working in the broadcast booth during the All-Star Game. Everybody says, 'Oh, that's cute.' But let me tell you something. You know the economy is bad when the President has to take a second gig." --David Letterman

　　奥巴马总统在全明星赛中会参与直播间的工作。每个人都说，“哦，那太好了。”我跟你们说，看看现在经济都坏到总统都得找份兼职了。——大卫·莱特曼

　　"As I watched the press conference, I realized finally we have a candidate for the people who loved George Bush's certainty but were bothered by his rationality and executive experience." --Jon Stewart, on Sarah Palin's resignation (Watch video clip)

　　我看着记者招待会，我意识到对那些既爱着乔治·布什的笃定，又被他的合理性和执政经验所困扰的人来说，终于有一个候选人了。——乔·斯图尔特评论莎拉·佩林的辞职

　　"South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is trying to bounce back from his sex scandal. Sanford has cleared his schedule this week to take a personal trip with his wife. Isn't that nice? Sanford said he wanted to go somewhere exotic and romantic, but he's going to get this trip with his wife out of the way first." --Conan O'Brien

　　南卡罗来纳州州长马克·桑福德正在试图从性丑闻中挽救自己。桑福德本周推掉了其他安排，和他的妻子来了个私人旅行。这不是很好嘛?桑福德说他想去个有情调的浪漫的地儿，不过他首先要做的'是带着他妻子去偏僻的地儿。——柯南·奥布莱恩

　　"How about that Harry Potter movie? Opened today as a matter of fact. In this one, Harry goes up against Dick Cheney and his secret CIA hit squad." --David Letterman

　　《哈利·波特》这电影怎么样?这电影今天开始公映了。在这部片子里，哈利和迪克·切尼以及他秘密的中情局暗杀队。——大卫·莱特曼

　　"So now it turns out that Dick Cheney, while he was Vice President, had a private deal going with the CIA And he goes to the CIA -- and those guys are pretty good at keeping a secret -- and he goes to the CIA, and he says, 'Boys, this will just be between you and me. We're going to run our own antiterrorism program. You and me. Don't tell Congress.' Eight years this was going on. And when I heard this, I said to myself, 'Gosh, that doesn't sound like the Dick Cheney I know.'" --David Letterman

　　现在看来是迪克·切尼，在当副总统的时候，和CIA有个私下交易。他走到中情局——这些家伙最擅长保密——他走到中情局，然后说，孩子们，这些事情只有咱们知道，咱们要开始反恐计划了，就咱们。别跟国会说啊。这件事进行了八年。当我听说这个时候，我跟我自己说，“老天，这可不像我知道的迪克·切尼。”——大卫·莱特曼

　　"They tried to get a hold of Cheney for comment, but his staff said, 'No, no, you can't talk to Cheney. He's taking a hike on the Appalachian Trail.'" --David Letterman

　　他们试图让迪克·切尼做出回应，但是他的工作人员说，“不行不行，你不能和切尼说话，他现在在阿巴那切亚山道远足哪。”——大卫·莱特曼

　　提示：阿巴那切亚山是当初桑福德失踪的时候他手下的人对外宣称他去的地方。

　　"Very secret operation, went on for eight years. Nobody knew anything about it. The only thing they knew was that it was called 'Operation Hunting Accident.'" --David Letterman

　　真是太秘密的行动了，八年啊。没有人知道这件事，他们知道的唯一一件事是这个计划叫做“打猎事故行动”。——大卫·莱特曼