英语幽默笑话全集

　　No Bottles Accepted After Five O'clock

　　One day neat closing time at 6:30, four young children arrived with bottles. Wanting to put a stop to this habit, I sternly2 asked each child if he was aware of the rules. Three shook their heads no, but the youngest said he knew. "Why then." I asked, "have you brought me these bottles?"

　　"I can't tell time yet." He said.

　　为了缓解购物高峰，我们这个小水果店为孩子们退饮料瓶做了如下规定：

　　五点钟以后不收瓶子

　　快到六点半下班的时候，四个孩子来退瓶子。为了制止他们的这个习惯，我故意很严肃的问每个孩子是否知道我们的规定。其中三个孩子都摇头表示不知道。只有那个最小的说他知道。“那你为什么还在这个时间来退瓶子呢?”我问他。

　　“我还不认识表呢!”他说。

　　A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate. Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the class, when they’re eight or ten years old or something like that. So the eight-year-oldkid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How much does it cost?” And the father said, “I don’t know, son. I’m still paying.”

　　有个小孩爱上了另一个小孩，对方是学校的同学。八岁或十岁左右的孩子有时会迷恋班上某个人，然后就以为自己恋爱了。因此这个八岁的小孩回家问他爸爸：「爸爸，结婚很花钱吗?」爸爸说：「是啊，儿子，非常花钱。」儿子又问：「要花多少钱呢?」爸爸说：「我不知道，儿子，我到现在还一直在付钱啊!」

　　The boy and the snails

　　A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"

　　男孩和蜗牛

　　一个乡下少年到处寻找蜗牛，当他双手都塞满了蜗牛后，就准备点火烤着吃。火点着了，蜗牛也开始感觉到热了，他们纷纷退向坚壳的`深处，同时还发出“咝咝”的噪音。男孩子听到了蜗牛发出的嘘声，便说：“你们这些连命都快没有的家伙，怎么还能有心情在窝里着火时吹口哨呢?”

　　Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"

　　"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."

　　“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵?它感染了吗?”

　　“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”