爆笑冷英语小笑话

　　易拉罐拉环爱着易拉罐，可易拉罐心里装着可乐!今天小编为大家准备了爆笑冷英语，欢迎阅读!

　　爆笑冷英语小笑话一：The Mime and the Lion

　　One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.

　　However, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zookeeper grabs him and drags him into his office.

　　The zookeeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly. The keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.

　　The next morning, before the crowd arrives, the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime.

　　However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he gets bored just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his.

　　Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.

　　At the end of the day the zookeeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction as a gorilla.

　　Well, this goes on for some time. The mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind.

　　Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help, Help me!", but the lion is quick andpounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"

　　爆笑冷英语小笑话二：A Second Opinion

　　A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.

　　The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."

　　The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

　　The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."

　　The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."

　　"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man...

　　"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

　　爆笑冷英语小笑话三：Sunday Class

　　Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

　　One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"

　　When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

　　"God Almighty !" shouted Mary.

　　The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.

　　A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?", but Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.

　　Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

　　"Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary.

　　The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.

　　Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"

　　Again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

　　爆笑冷英语小笑话四：Alphabet Fun

　　The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today's lesson.

　　"I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let's begin. A"

　　All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had a filthy mouth and thought to herself that if she picked Johnny, he would give her a word like 'ass' or 'asshole'. She picked Wendy, and Wendy said "apple".

　　"Very good", said the teacher, "now B".

　　Johnny was jumping out of his seat again, but the teacher picked Bobby. Bobby said "ball".

　　This went on and on with Johnny trying to get picked for each letter and the teacher knowing there was a dirty word for it. Then she got to "R". Nobody but Johnny had their hands up.

　　The teacher thought and thought and couldn't think of a bad word that started with "R". So she picked Johnny.

　　Johnny stands up and says: "R...Rat...a big, fat, fuckin' Rat!"