英语笑话精选5篇

　　Neither 都不是

　　It was local election time and the candidate was visiting all the houses in his area.

　　At one house a small boy answered the door. "Tell me, young man," said the politician. "Is your Mommy in the Republican Party or the Democratic Party?"

　　"Neither," said the child, "she's in the bathroom."

　　正值当地竞选时期，候选人到他的区域的千家万户登门拜访。

　　候选人来到了一家门口，一个小男孩开了门。“告诉我，年轻人，”候选人问道，“你母亲是在共和党还是在民主党?”

　　“都不是，”孩子答到，“她在浴室。”

　　谁发现了澳大利亚?

　　Teacher: Find Australia on the map for me,Johnny.

　　老师: 约翰尼，在地图上给我找出澳大利亚在什么地方。

　　Johnny: It's there , sir.

　　约翰尼: 先生，在这儿。

　　Teacher: That's right. Now Sammy, who discovered Australia?

　　老师: 对了。萨默，你来回答是谁发现了澳大利亚?

　　Sammy: Johnny, sir.

　　萨默: 先生，是约翰尼。

　　人们什么时候说话最少?

　　Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?

　　老师: 汤姆，“男人”这个词的复数形式是什么?

　　Tom: Men.

　　汤姆:男人们。

　　Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?

　　老师: 答得好。那“孩子”的复数形式呢?

　　Tom : Twins.

　　汤姆: 双胞胎。

　　我丈夫刚进来

　　The couple seated in restaurant seemed to be having a wonderful time. But as the woman glanced away from the table，their waiter suddenly rushed over.

　　在饭馆里坐着一对夫妇，他们看上去非常高兴。但是当那女子向旁边瞥了一眼时，服务员马上跑了过来。

　　“Madam look,”he said.“Your husband just slid under the table.”

　　“夫人，您瞧,” 他说,“您丈夫滑到桌子底下去了。”

　　“No,he didn't,”she replied.“My husband just came in the door.”

　　“不，他没有,” 她回答,“我丈夫刚从门外进来。”

　　Don't Argue with Children 不要和小孩争论

　　A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

　　The teacher said it was physically1 impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

　　The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah.

　　Irritated, the teacher reiterated2 that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

　　The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

　　The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

　　The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

　　一个小女孩和她的老师正在谈论有关鲸鱼的事情。

　　她的`老师说：“一头鲸鱼从身体构造的角度看，是不可能吞掉一个人的。因为尽管鲸鱼是一种非常巨大的哺乳动物，可它的嗓子非常小。”

　　那个小女孩说约拿(一位西伯来先知)就是被鲸鱼吞掉的。

　　她的老师非常生气，她再次告诉小女孩说：“从身体构造角度来讲，鲸鱼是不可能吞掉一个人的。”

　　那个小女孩说：“那等我到了天堂，就去问问约拿。”

　　她的老师问：“那么，假如约拿下了地狱怎么办?”

　　那个小女孩回答：“如果是那样的话，你就去问他。”

　　A Duel 决斗

　　Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody1 nose, black eye, and torn clothing.

　　It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Pete, "I challenged Larry to a duel2. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."

　　"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."

　　"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"

　　小彼得从操场回到家时，鼻子流血、黑眼圈及被撕破了衣服。

　　显然他刚与人恶斗了一番，而且打输了。父亲问儿子发生了什么事。“噢，爸爸，彼得说，我向拉里挑起决斗，而且我让他挑选武器。”

　　“嗯，”父亲说，“这看上去很公平!”

　　“我知道，但我没想到他选择了他姐姐!”