保证你吐血的英语笑话
1、I'm Glad 我很高兴 A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. Now, children, said she, has anyone of you ever made someone else glad? Please, teacher, said a small boy, I've made someone glad yesterday. Well done. Who was that? My granny. Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grand mother glad. Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, ‘Granny, I'm going home,’ and she said, ‘Well, I'm glad’! 一个主日学校的老师正在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。现在，孩子们，她说：你们当中有谁让别人高兴过? 我，老师，一个小男孩说：昨天我就使别人高兴过。 做得好，是谁呢? 我奶奶。 好孩子，现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。 是这样的，老师。我昨天去看她，在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我跟她说：‘奶奶，我要回家了。’她说：‘啊，我很高兴!’
2、A Gentle Reminder委婉提醒 Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, "Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?" Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, "So, you want to switch seats?" 婚后已久，我丈夫往往在一个特别事情上需要委婉的提醒。在我们结婚35周年纪念的`早上，我们正坐在早餐桌旁，我暗示道：“亲爱的，你意识到我们在这两个相同的座位上已坐了整整35年了吗?” 他放下报纸，眼睛直直地望着我：“因此，你想交换座位吗?”
3、Birthday 生日 Professor: When is your birthday? Kid: May 30. Professor: Which year? Kid: Every year. 教授：你的生日是什么时候? 孩子：5月30日。 教授：哪一年? 孩子：每年都是。
4、一分一块钱 A dollar per point A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change. 一天，教授正在给学生们监考。他发下试卷，然后回到讲台前等待。 考试结束了，学生们纷纷交回试卷。教授发现一张试卷上别着一张百元钞票，还有一张纸条写着：“一分一块钱。” 第二堂课，教授把试卷都发回学生们手中。其中一个学生不但得到了试卷还得到64块钱的找零。
5、Amos asked his mother whether they could have a video. I’m afraid we can’t afford one, sighed his mother. But on the following day in came Amos, staggering beneath the weight of a brand-new video. How on earth did you pay for that? gasped his mother. Easy, Mum. replied Amos, I sold the television! 艾莫斯问妈妈他们是否能买一台录像机。 恐怕我们还买不起，妈妈叹息着说。 可第二天当艾莫斯回来时，他摇摇晃晃地搬着一台全新的录像机。 你究竟是哪儿来的钱买这东西?妈妈大吃一惊，喘着气说。 妈妈，这简单， 艾曼斯回答。我把电视机给卖了!