英语笑话句子
1、A young couple was on their way to get married1 when they had an accident and died. Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them, he would have to get back to them with an answer. Around 30 days later St. Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven2. The young lady then asks St. Peter, "If things just don't work out can we get a divorce3?" St. Peter looks at her and replies, "Lady it took me 30 days to find a preacher up here do you really think I am going to find a lawyer?" 一对年轻的.夫妇在去结婚的路上出了车祸，双双死去了。于是，他们来到了圣徒彼得面前，妻子问是否她还可以和丈夫结婚，圣徒彼得告诉他们，关于这个问题他一有了结果就会回来找他们。差不多30天以后，圣徒彼得回来了，并且告诉他们可以在天堂结婚。妻子又问：“如果生活的不愉快，我们可不可以离婚呢?”圣徒彼得看着她，回答说：“夫人，我花了30天才找到个传教士，难道你真的希望我再去找个律师吗?”
2、A pious1 believer was very serious in his spiritual cultivation2. He went to church every Sunday and never missed a ceremony or a baptism. One day, he went to see the doctor. The doctor checked his pulse and gave him a thorough medical checkup, zut failed to diagnose anything. "You don't seem to be ill," the doctor said. "If I were not ill, then why would I be here consulting you?" he asked."Do you indulge in unhealthy pleasures?" the doctor asked "No! I have three meals a day, at regular hours and in a fixed3 quantity; I don't take an extra grain." "Then have you been drinking too much? You'd better stop drinking!""Of course not! I don't even drink a drop of alcohol; I drink only plain water.""Do you often work late? Do you know that working late is bad for your health?" "Never! I turn in at half-past nine every night, and I get up at six in the morning. This is my daily routine, without the slightest exception."The doctor began to get confused. "Do you smoke or take drugs?" "That is impossible! I get sick just seeing others smoke,let alone smoking tobacco myself!""Then do you indulge in carnal pleasure?" the doctor asked again. "How can that be? I am still a bachelor, and I virtually do not know what a woman is." The doctor could not think of anything else, so he gave it a last try. "Do you have a headache?" "Yes, you are right! I have a severe headache, and no medicine can relieve my pain." "But of course. The halo around your head is too tight!" the doctor said. 有一个宗教的信徒，他非常认真修行，每个星期天一定去教堂，任何的法会、洗礼会他都一定参加。有一次他去看医生，医生帮他把脉、检查身体每个地方，都找不到任何问题，然后医生就问他：“你好像没病啊?”信徒说：“没病的话，我来找你做什么呢?” 医生又问：“那你是不是吃喝玩乐太过度了?”他说：“不会啊，我每天三餐定时定量，多一粒米也不吃。”医生又问：“那你是不是喝酒太多了?酒最好不要喝啦!”他说：“哪里!我一滴也不喝，我只喝白开水而已。” 然后医生再问：“那你是不是常常熬夜?熬夜对身体不好，你知道吗?”他说：“哪里!我晚上九点半就睡觉了，早上六点就起床，每天这个样子，一点点都不差。” 医生已经开始混淆了，说：“那你是不是有抽烟、吸吗啡?”信徒说：“唉!那些根本不用谈，我看到人家抽烟已经讨厌了，何况自己抽!”医生继续问：“那是不是纵欲过度啊?”他说：“哪里!我还是单身汉，根本不知道女人是什么!” 医生没办法了，最后又问：“那你是不是会头痛?”那个病人说：“对、对、对!就是头痛，痛得厉害，吃什么药都不好。”医生说：“就是嘛!你头上的光圈太紧了!”