幽默爆笑英语笑话

　　Reason of Punishment 惩罚的原因

　　One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do.

　　The mother exclaimed, But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?

　　The little girl replied, My homework.

　　一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。

　　妈妈激动地说：那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么?

　　小女孩回答说：我的家庭作业。

　　All Except the Music除了音乐

　　A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocs and ices. Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, "Have you enjoyed yourself today?"

　　"Oh, yes, miss!" said Sally, "It was lovely. All except the music, that is."

　　一位热心的年轻教师想让她的学生多了解一点优秀的古典音乐，就安排了一天下午去听音乐会。为了使这次活动能给大家留下更深的印象，她请大家喝柠檬汽水、吃点心、巧克力和冰淇淋。在大家回来上汽车的时候，她问小萨莉：“你今天玩得好吗?”

　　“噢，好极了，小姐，” 萨莉说，“除了音乐其它都很好。”

　　Cry

　　"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."

　　"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."

　　"But has he finished his own cake?"

　　"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."

　　“汤姆，你弟弟怎么了?” 妈妈在厨房里问。“他在哭。”

　　“没事儿，妈妈，”汤姆答道。“我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因为我不给他吃。”

　　“他已经吃完自己的了么?”

　　“是的。”“我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。”

　　我要做的一切就是付钱!All I do is pay

　　"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My

　　wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,

　　and my daughter is foreign secretary."

　　"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your

　　position?"

　　"I’m the people. All I do is pay."

　　布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子

　　是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。”

　　“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢?”

　　“我就是老百姓。我要做的'一切就是付钱。”

　　愚蠢的问题Stupid Question

　　Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"

　　After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.

　　“Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily.

　　But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?”

　　丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的门口，而且许多人都会停下来问他:“请问现在几点?”

　　几个月后，丹想:“我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了，我要去买一只大钟，把它挂在这儿的墙上。”于是他买了一只钟，把它挂在了墙上。

　　“现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了。”他高兴地想。

　　可是打那以后，每天仍有许多人停下来，看看钟，然后问丹:“这钟准吗?”

　　因祸得福 To Profit from a Misfortune

　　A man was a butterfingers. He had been suffering from unemployment for months.

　　At last he found a job in a chinaware house. He had worked only a few days when he dropped a large vase.

　　The manager summoned him to the office and told him that money would be deducted from his wages every week until the vase was paid for. He asked: "How much did it cost?" "Five hundred dollars." said the manager. "Oh, that's wonderful," he said happily, "I'm so happy that I have got a steady job at last."

　　有一个人很粗心，老是打烂东西。他已失业好几个月了。

　　最后他在一个瓷器店找到了一个工作。可是才干了几天，他就打烂了一个很大的花瓶。

　　经理把他到办公室去，告诉他每个星期都要扣他的工钱，直到赔偿够了为止。他就问：“那个花瓶值多少钱?”经理说：“值500美元。”他很高兴地说：“啊!太妙了，我非常高兴，终于有个稳定的工作啦。”