英语笑话简单的
笑话就是指以一句话，一个情节或一个小故事让说话者和听者之间觉得好笑，或是产生幽默感，另外一个行动(动作)型的笑话是以动作影响人的视觉及观感，使内心产生愉悦感，而感很到好笑。笑话可以缓解紧张气氛，一起看看下面的简单的吧！
英语笑话简单的【
1】
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, Gigantic Sale! and Super Bargains!
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：大减价！特便宜！
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, Prices Slashed! and Fantastic Discounts!
左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：大砍价!大折扣!
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, ENTRANCE.
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：入口处。
英语笑话简单的【
2】
One Point
Hanging in the hallway at Whites High School in Wabash, Ind., and the basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year －"62-63", "63-64", "64-65", etc.
One day I spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to me, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?"
一分之差
位于印第安那州瓦巴西的怀兹中学，其门厅里悬挂着过去四十年间样篮球队的照片。每幅照片前排中间的队员举着一个篮球，上面标明年份－“62-63”，“63-64”，“64-65”等等。
一天，我看到一个新生很困惑地看着照片。他朝我转过身来，说道：“多奇怪呀，这些队都是以一分之差输掉的！"
英语笑话简单的【
3】
Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child.
Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too.
One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.“This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes，”said Mr.Taylor.
Pat came into the room just then and said，“What are you talking about？”“We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby's coming，”his mother answered.
“ It's no use，”said Pat hopelessly.“ He'll follow us there.”
新生儿
泰勒夫妇有一个七岁的男孩，名叫帕特。现在泰勒太太正怀着第二胎。
帕特在别人家看见过婴儿，他不太喜欢他们，所以他对自己家里也将有一个婴儿的消息感到不满。
一天晚上，泰勒夫妇正在为这个婴儿的降生计划做安排。泰勒先生说：“有了婴儿，我们的房子就太小，不够住了。”
帕特恰好在这个时候走进屋，他问：“你们在说什么？”他的母亲回答说：“我们在说我们现在得搬家，因为婴儿就要诞生了。”
“那没用，”帕特绝望地说。“他会跟我们到那儿去的。”
英语笑话简单的【
4】
Three Surgeons
Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. "A man came to me who had his hand cut off," said one. "Today that man is a concert violinist."
"That's nothing," said another. "A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on, and today that man is a marathon runner."
"I can top both of you," said the third. "One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. There was nothing left but a horse's posterior - and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in United States Senate."
三个外科医生
三个有名的外科医生正在吹嘘他们的技术。“一个人断了一只手，他来找我，”一个说，“如今那个人是个音乐会的小提琴手。”
“这算不了什么，”另一个说。“一个家伙两条腿断了，他来找我，我将它们接了回去。如今，那人是马拉松选手。”
“我比你们两个都强，”第三个说，“一天，我碰到一起可怕的车祸。除了一个马屁股，和一幅眼睛，什么都没有留下。如今，那人坐在美国参议院里。”
英语笑话简单的【
5】
A highway patrol officer stopped a speeding motorist. "Don't you know what the blinking lights and siren mean?" he demanded.
一位公路巡警截住了一个超速司机。“难道你不知道闪烁灯和警笛的意思吗？”他责问道。
"Yes, sir," replied the driver.
“知道，长官，”司机回答说。
"Then why didn't you pull over immediately?"
“那你为什么不立即靠边停车？”
"I would have, officer, " the man said. "But last month my wife ran off with a policeman, and I was afraid you were bringing her back.
“我本来想这样做的，长官。”那男子回答说，“但上个月我妻子和一位警察私奔了，我是害怕你把她带回来。”
英语笑话简单的【
6】
At a pre-med university in St. Louis, we had to take a difficult class in physics. One day the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask Why do we have to learn this stuff?
To save lives. The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. So how does physics save lives? he persisted. It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school, replied the professor.
在圣路易斯的一所医学院预科大学，学生必须修一门很难的物理课。一天，教授正在探讨一个特别复杂的概念，一个学生粗鲁地打断他的话，问道：为什么我们一定要学这种东西？
为了救人。教授很快回答，继续讲课。几分钟后，那个学生再次大声坚持：那么物理怎么救人呢？教授回答：它通常可以把你这种笨蛋赶出医学院。
英语笑话简单的【
7】
Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him. I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming. When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn't you?" I teased.
"Are you kidding?" he replied, "Why else would I have bothered to clean?"
我们的儿子是密歇根州阿尔马大学的新生，开学几个星期之后，我和丈夫决定去看看他。我特意提前给他打电话，“提醒”他我们将光临。但是当我们来到宿舍时，他的房间凌乱不堪，我非常吃惊。“忘了我们要来，是吧？”我取笑他。
“开什么玩笑？”，他回答说，“要不我凭什么费神打扫？”
英语笑话简单的【
8】
情人来电
a man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
"what was that for?", the man asked.
一个男人坐在那儿看报纸,他的老婆用煎锅打他的头。
"那是为什么?",那人问道。
the wife replied, "that was for the piece of paper with the name jenny on it that i found in your pants pocket".
the man said, "when i was at the races last week, jenny was the name of the horse i bet on."
the wife apologized and went on with the housework.
妻子回答说,"这张纸上写的'名字珍妮,我在你的裤子口袋里发现的"。
那人说:"我上周看比赛,珍妮是我下注的那匹马的名字。"
妻子道歉,继续做家务。
three days later the man is watching tv when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.
she replied "your horse just phoned you".
三天后，他正在看电视,他老婆用比上次大得多的煎锅打他的头,他顿时失去知觉。
等男人恢复了意识，问他老婆为什么打他了。
她回答说:"你的马打电话给你"。
英语笑话简单的【
9】
Blind Date
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
相亲
和盲约对象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了个朋友给他打电话，这样他就能借故先离开了。当他回到桌边，他垂下眼睛，装出一副阴沉的表情，说：“有个不幸的消息，我的祖父刚刚去世了。”“谢天谢地！”他的约会对象说，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了！”
英语笑话简单的【10】
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.孩子们在天主教学校的自助食堂中排队打午饭。
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
在桌子的前端有一大堆苹果。修女写了一张字条，把它贴在了苹果盘上：“只能拿一个，上帝在看着。”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
继续排着队向前走，在桌子的尽头有一大堆巧克力脆饼。
A child had written a note, "Take all you want.God is watching the apples."
一个孩子写了张字条：“随便拿，上帝在看着苹果。”