2016幽默英语笑话精选

　　导语：经常讲一些笑话，不仅能给自己到来快乐，还能感染他人，这里小编收集整理了2016幽默精选，一起来看看吧!

　　1 Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room.

　　"Doctor," he said, "you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago."

　　"Good heavens, man!" said the doctor. "Why have you waited so long? Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?"

　　"To tell you the truth, Doctor," the poor man replied, "I didn't need the money so badly then."

　　中文翻译：

　　一个看起来很难受的穷人走进大夫的诊室。

　　"大夫!"他说，"帮帮我!一个月前我吞了一分硬币!"

　　"天哪，"大夫说，"早干嘛去了?你当时怎么不来看?"

　　"实话告诉您吧，大夫，"穷人说，"我当时还不缺钱!"

　　2 Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice?

　　Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

　　男孩：嗨，我们之前是不是约会过，是一次还是两次，我忘记了。

　　女孩：应该只有一次吧，我从不犯两次同样的错误。

　　3 In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a teacher asked one of the boys, "What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?"

　　"To be deaf," replied the boy.

　　"Nonsense!" said the teacher angrily.

　　"Why, sir! Don't you know that the famous musician Beethoven was deaf?" the boy asked in reply disdainfully.

　　在一次音乐学院的入学考试中，老师问其中一个男孩："音乐家最重要的生理素质是什么?"

　　"耳聋，"男孩答道。

　　"胡说!"老师气愤地说。

　　"怎么了，先生!难道您不知道大名鼎鼎的音乐家贝多芬是个聋子吗?"男孩轻蔑地反问道。

　　4 A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.

　　Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"

　　The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."

　　Bartender: "That should make you happy."

　　The man: "No, the month is up today!"

　　一个男人坐在酒吧里，伤心至极。

　　酒吧招待："你怎么了?跟老婆闹矛盾了?"

　　男人："我们吵了一架，她说一个月都不跟我说话。"

　　酒吧招待："那你应该高兴才是啊!"

　　男人："不，今天是这个月的'最后一天。"

　　5 A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

　　女人找了老公之前都在担忧未来。男人娶了老婆之前从来不为未来担忧。

　　6 A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

　　男人想要的东西，要是值1块钱却卖2块，他也会买;而对于女人，即使是不想要的东西，要是值2块钱却只卖1块，她也会买。

　　7 The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and vice versa. "Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the 2nd time will be fined $60. Being caught a 3rd time will incur a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this moment, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Umm...How much for a season pass?"

　　女生宿舍将全面禁止男生进入，男生宿舍也同样不得女生光临。

　　"不论是谁，一旦违规，初犯将被罚款20美元。再犯要被罚款60美元。第3次被抓需要交180美元的罚款。还有什么疑问么?"

　　这时人群中一个男同学问道，"那么一个季度通行证需要多少钱?"

　　8 Boy: Can I buy you a drink?

　　Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money.

　　男孩：我可以给你买杯饮料吗?

　　女孩：你不如直接把钱给我得了。

　　9 Doctor: Your cough sounds much better today.

　　Patient: It should. I've been practicing all night.

　　医生：听上去你咳嗽今天好多了。

　　病人：应该如此。我昨晚练习了一整夜。

　　10 Pete: "The last time I was out hunting, I stepped off a high cliff, and would you believe it, while I was falling every fool deed I'd ever done came into my mind."

　　Bob: "Must have been a pretty high mountain you fell from."

　　皮特："我上次出去打猎，跌下了很高的悬崖，信不信由你，当我跌落的时候，我脑海里浮现了我做过的所有蠢事。"

　　鲍勃："你一定是从万丈高山上跌落的吧。"

　　11 Spending the night with their grandparents, 2 young boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers at bedtime. The younger boy began praying at the top of his lungs:"I PRAY FOR A BIKE... I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD..."

　　His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

　　To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

　　2个男孩与祖父母一起过夜，他们跪在床边做睡前祷告。弟弟声嘶力竭地祈祷: "我祈求一辆自行车，一张新DVD……"

　　哥哥用肘轻推他: "你为什么大喊着祈祷?上帝又不聋。"

　　弟弟答道:"上帝是不聋，但是奶奶聋。"

　　12 A cop spotted a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Coming up beside her, he said, "Pull over!"

　　"No," she replied, "a pair of socks!"

　　巡警发现一名妇女边开车边织毛衣，便开车上前，说："靠边停车(套头衫)!"

　　"不，" 她回答，"是一双袜子!"