长一点的英语笑话

　　笑话来源于生活，却又可以让我们的'生多些欢乐、开心，现在，一起来开心爆笑下。

　　长一点的【

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1】

　　What A Way To Go

　　There are two guys in a bar...one says, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead!!!"

　　"Whoa, what the heck happened to him?" asks the other guy.

　　"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."

　　"What a horrible way to die!" says the other guy.

　　"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."

　　"What a way to go, that's terrible!"

　　"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."

　　"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"

　　"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."

　　"Man, what a way to go!"

　　"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted -- 10,000 volts shot through him."

　　"Now that is one awful way to go!"

　　"No no, he survived that..."

　　"Hold on now, just how did he die?" asks the other guy.

　　"I shot him!" the first guy exclaims.

　　"You shot him? What the heck did you shoot him for?"

　　"The son of a gun was wrecking my house!"

　　长一点的英语笑话【

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2】

　　Now I Know

　　Bill Gates meets Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party.

　　They are talking and Bill says, "I've seen some great pictures of Divine Brown lately, I sure would like to get together with her!" Hugh replies, "Well Bill, you know ... Ever since our incident, her price has skyrocketed. She's charging a small fortune." Bill said with achuckle, "Hugh, money's no object to me. What's her number?"

　　So, Hugh gives Bill her number and bill sets up a date.

　　They meet and after they finish, Bill is lying there in ecstasy, mumbling, "God...now I know why you chose the name Divine."

　　To which she replies, "Thank you Bill...And now I know how you chose the name... Microsoft."

　　长一点的英语笑话【

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3】

　　Redneck Mom's Letter

　　Dear Son, I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since. It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes. About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or girls so don’t know if you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tailgate down. Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.Love, Ma

　　长一点的英语笑话【

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4】

　　Blonde Car Accident

　　One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

　　The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

　　He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

　　Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

　　The blonde started laughing.

　　This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

　　This time the blonde laughed even harder.

　　Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

　　The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

　　The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"