最搞笑的英语笑话汇集
怕老婆的丈夫 The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives.He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely. Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right. “It's good to see，”said the king，“that we have one real man in the kingdom.Tell these chickenhearted dunces why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.” “Your Majesty，”came the reply in a squealing voice，“it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.” 古代有一个国王，他想证明他领土内的男人并非像人们传说的那样，受到老婆的管制。他把王国里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告说，哪个男人胆敢不说实话，就会受到严厉的惩罚。然后，他叫所有听从妻子的命令和意见的男人都走向大厅的左侧。所有的男人都站到了左侧，只有一个小个子男人站到了右侧。国王说：“看到我们国家里还有一个真正的男子汉，真是令人高兴。告诉这些胆小的笨蛋，为什么在他们当中只有你一个人站在大厅的右侧。” “陛下，”那人尖声地回答：“因为在我出门之前，我老婆告诉我不要扎堆。” the important of a second language A cat and her four kittens ran into a large dog. When the kittens cowered, the cat let out a series of loud barks, scaring the dog away. Turning to her kittens, the cat said, "You see how important it is to know a second language." 一天，一只猫妈妈领着4只小猫在路上走，却遇到了一只大狗。小猫们吓的蜷缩成了一团，这时猫妈妈吼出了一连串的汪汪声，大狗被吓跑了。猫妈妈转过身来对几个小猫说，“孩子们，看看掌握一门外语是多么的重要呀!” A preacher is buying a parrot 传教士买鹦鹉 A preacher is buying a parrot Are you sure it doesnt scream, yell, or swear? asked the preacher. Oh absolutely. Its a religious parrot, the storekeeper assures him. Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lords prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm. Wonderful! says the preacher, but what happens if you pull both strings? I fall off my perch, you stupid fool! screeched the parrot. 一个传教士在买鹦鹉 “你确信它不会尖叫，大叫或诅咒别人吗?”传教士问。 “哦，绝对不会。它是一只虔诚的鹦鹉。”店主保证说。 “你看见它腿上的.这些细绳了吗?当你拉动右面的这根，它会背诵天主经，当你拉动左面的那根，它会背诵赞美诗” “太棒了!”传教士说，“但是如果我同时拉动两条绳子，会发生什么呢?” “我会从树干上掉下去的，你这个笨蛋!”鹦鹉尖声说道。 How can I get into heaven 我怎么才能上天堂 "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the poor, would I get into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class. "No!" the children all answered. "If I cleaned the church everyday, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?" Again, the answer was, "No!" "Well, " I continued, "then how can I get into heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!" “如果我把房子和车卖了，在车库举行义卖, 并把所有的钱给穷人，我能进天堂吗?”我问主日学校的孩子。 孩子们齐声回答：“不能!” “那如果我每天都打扫教堂，给院子的草坪割草，并且把东西都收拾得干净整洁，我会上天堂吗?” 回答还是：“不能!”“好吧， ”我继续问, “那我要怎样才能升天堂呢?” 一个五岁的男孩儿叫道：“你得死了才行!”