双语笑话及短篇新闻
双语笑话：校园幼齿们的两则笑话
1.Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
2.The Fish Net
Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?
A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.
鱼网更多信息请访问：http://www.24en.com/
你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？ 老师发问道。
把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。 小女孩回答道。
双语笑话：新老师
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.
I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....
新老师
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？ 妈妈问。
妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得
6, 可后来又说2加4也得
6。
双语笑话：一次物理考试
A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lightening first, then hear the thunder rolls? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。
这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？
尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
双语短篇新闻：
THERE was a fire, an explosion and now a dark slick of oil disfigures the Gulf of Mexico like a bruise. The problems on the Deepwater Horizon oil rig, 41 miles (66km) off the Louisiana coast, began on Tuesday April 20th. The next morning officials reported that 11 of the 126 workers on the rig were missing. Two days later the rig sank and the Coast Guard called off the search for survivors.
前些天的火灾、爆炸以及如今黑乎乎的海面浮油已经把墨西哥湾弄得像受了瘀伤一样，面目全非。“深水地平线”，这座位于距路易斯安娜州海岸41英里（61公里）的海平面上的钻井平台，在4月20日（周二）开始出现问题。第二天，官员报告说在总共126名工人中，11人失踪。两天之后，因为钻进平台的沉陷海岸警卫队终止了搜救行动。
Expert opinion, based on underwater scans, was that the sunken rig had not sprung a leak. But in the murky depths it is hard to get a clear picture. By Sunday it had become apparent that the experts were wrong. Oil is still gushing into the sea at a rate of 42,000 gallons (or
1,000 barrels) a day. And by Monday the slick measured 80 miles across and 42 miles from north to south in some places, with the western part 36 miles from Louisiana's coast.
专家们基于海底扫描器的探测结果，认为沉陷的钻井平台并没有引发原油泄漏。但是在如此阴暗的海底，想要得到一张清晰的图像是非常困难的。到了周日的时候，专家们的说法明显被证明是错误的，因为原油仍在以42000加仑（1000桶）/天的速度涌入大海。到了周一，浮油区域的直径达到了80英里，自北向南达42英里之长，最西面的地方仅仅距路易斯安那海岸36英里。
“This is one example where the US has learned its lesson," says Nancy Kinner, the co-director of the Coastal Response Research Centre. America suffered a devastating oil spill in 1989, when the Exxon Valdez, a large oil tanker, ran into a reef off the coast of Alaska. Around 11m gallons of oil gushed out, much finding its way onto the shores of the unspoilt wilderness surrounding Prince William Sound. Hundreds of birds, otters and seals washed ashore, suffocating and dying. As a result the latest disaster elicited a swift response. By Monday more than
1,000 people were on the scene, from BP, which was leasing the rig, from the Coast Guard, and from other state and federal agencies. They set to work skimming oily water and treating the slick with chemical dispersants.
“美国已经从此次事件中汲取了教训。”，海岸反应搜寻中心的主任Nancy Kinner说到。美国在1989年遭受过严重石油泄漏的危害，当时一艘名叫Exxon Valdez的油轮，在阿拉斯加海岸附近触礁，大约11,000,000加仑的原油泄漏，大部分渗透到了当时还未受污染的威廉王子湾沿岸，迫使了成百上千的鸟类、水獭和海豹上岸，窒息而死。因为前车之鉴，人们对于这次灾难的反应速度极快。周一时候，超过1000人来到了现场，有些人来自BP这家承租钻井平台的公司，有人来自海岸警卫队，也有来自其他州和联邦部门的。他们奋力地撇去水上的油污并用化油剂对付浮油。
The well is still gushing, however. BP’s technicians have been unable to activate the blow-out preventer, essentially a massive valve that must be operated remotely by robot submarines. To add to the difficulties bad weather has turned the water rough and further attempts must wait for calmer seas. If that fails, BP will have to try more elaborate measures. It is making preparations to drill another well nearby and thereby relieve pressure on the one that is leaking. But this could take a couple of months, so BP has plans to lower a massive dome over the leak site to suck oil from the seabed into vessels that can take it for safe disposal.
钻井中的原油仍在涌出，但是BP的技工们却不能启动井喷防控装置，这个装置本质上是一个必须由机器人潜艇远程操控的巨大阀门。而恶劣的天气也为救援工作增加了难度，因为大风大浪，救援工作的进一步展开只有看天吃饭了。如果救援工作失败，那么BP今后必须采取更为详尽的措施，它正准备在附近钻井，以此减少泄漏处所受到的压力。但是钻井工作毕竟会持续数月，所以BP已经计划在泄漏处上方放置一个巨型的覆盖物，海床附近的油会被覆盖物吸到船中，并做更为安全的处理。
BP’s shares have fallen by over 2% since the severity of incident became apparent. If the oil starts to come ashore on the beaches of the four states under threat it could get worse for the company. An explosion at a BP oil refinery in Texas in 2005 that killed 15 workers, a series of other safety concerns and allegations that the company fixed propane prices have battered its reputation in America. Tony Hayward, BP’s boss, has been at pains to restore BP’s standing in America since taking over three years ago. But the rig explosion has already overshadowed BP’s announcement on Tuesday that it made unexpectedly strong profits of $
5.6 billion in the first quarter of 2010.
在事态的严重性显露之后，BP的股价下跌超过了2个百分点。如果处于此次事件威胁下的四大州的沿岸开始受到原油侵蚀的话，BP的处境会更糟糕。2005年，BP旗下一家位于德州的炼油厂发生爆炸事故，造成15名工人丧生，从而引发了一些关于安全的考虑；对于BP控制丙烷价格的说法也使公司在美国的名声接受重创。老板Tony Hayward，接管BP三年来一直都在煞费苦心地挽回公司的形象。尽管BP在周二宣称他们在2010年第一季度出人意料地盈利56亿美元，但是在此次钻井平台的爆炸事件面前，不免相形见绌。
The spill is awkward for the president too. In March, Barack Obama surprisingly proposed opening new stretches of America’s Atlantic, Gulf, and Alaskan coasts to offshore drilling. Some reckoned this was a compromise to win Republican support for Mr Obama's climate-change bill. Opponents of the expansion are pointing to the spill as timely evidence of safety concerns over offshore oil extraction. The White House has said that its stance is unchanged.
这次事件也让奥巴马总统难堪不已，因为在三月，他提议新开辟一段位于大西洋、墨西哥湾和阿拉斯加沿的沿岸用于近海石油勘探。一些人认为奥巴马的做法是为了向共和党妥协，以此赢得他们对于气候改革议案的支持。反对这种扩张开采的人指出此次泄漏恰恰证明了近海原油开采具有的安全隐患。但是白宫的立场仍然未变。
Controlling the damage from the current spill is partly beyond human control. The wind is currently coming from the north-west, pushing the slick towards the mouth of the gulf and away from danger. Weather forecasts suggest that this should continue. If the wind changes and pushes the slick west towards Texas's beaches, that might be manageable. It could be removed later by scraping up the top layer of sand. The greatest fear is that the winds turn and drive the oil towards Louisiana’s ecologically rich marshlands. These are home to many species of birds and fish, some endangered. Drilling proponents accept that the occasional spill is the cost of extracting oil. If the slick reaches the coast there will be a heavy price to pay.
控制当前原油泄漏所带来的损失从一定程度上超出了人类的能力范围。如今，西北方正将浮油吹离墨西哥湾，降低了其危险性。天气预报也间接表明西北风将继续。如果风向改变并将浮油向西吹向德州的海滩，局势是可以控制的。但是最令人担心的是风向改变并将浮油吹向路易斯安那州的生态湿地，那里栖息着许多鱼类和鸟类，一些已经濒临灭绝。偶尔发生的泄漏事件是开采原油的代价，这一说法已经被支持勘探的人所接受。如果浮油接近海岸的话，这将会是很沉重的代价
THE portrait of Gertrude Stein (shown right) was the first Picasso to enter the collection of New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art. It arrived in 1947. By then the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) had 82 of his works. The tortoise never overtook the hare. Nevertheless, with 500 works, the Met today has the second most important collection of Picassos in the United States. Now, 300 of them have been brought together for an exhibition (from April 27th to August 1st) that is absorbing and quirky—and has quite a tale to tell.
纽约大都会艺术博物馆（Met）收藏中的第一件毕加索作品就是这幅葛楚德·斯坦的肖像。它于1947年来到这里。当时纽约现代艺术博物馆（MoMA）已经拥有82件毕加索作品。乌龟的确从未超越兔子，但如今大都会博物馆也以500件毕加索作品坐拥美国第二大毕加索作品收藏。现在，其中的300件将于4月27日到8月1日间进行展出。这将是一场引人入胜而又离奇古怪的展览——其中的故事也很值得娓娓道来。
On view are all of the Met’s Picasso paintings, drawings, sculptures and ceramics and half of its 400 prints. From the painter’s rose period there is “The Actor”, newly restored. “Head of a Woman”, Picasso’s first large cubist sculpture, occupies the centre of a room devoted to that period. “Woman Reading” is a love song to a mistress and muse, Marie-Thérèse Walter. In sharp contrast, “Man with a Lollipop” is an unsettling introduction to the artist’s cruel streak. One large room is hung with jaunty linoleum prints. There are also visual puns. “Tie”, cut out of paper, has four eyes drawn in crayon descending from its faux knot to its point. It was a gift to Alfred Barr, MoMA’s first director, who was famed for his good eye.
展品包括大都会博物馆所有的毕加索油画、素描、雕塑、陶器制品，以及400件版画作品的一半。毕加索"玫瑰时期"的画作《演员》是新近才修复好的。毕加索的第一件大型立体主义雕塑作品《一个女人的头》占据了"玫瑰时期"展厅的中心。《阅读中的女人》是一首献给玛丽-特瑞莎·华勒特的情歌——毕加索的情妇，他的缪斯女神。与此形成强烈对比的是《拿着棒棒糖的男人》，它如同一个不安的起点，将引领你走入艺术家令人痛苦的笔触和条纹。另一个大房间里挂满了一系列轻松活泼的油毡版画。其中也有一些视觉的双关。用纸裁剪出的作品《领带》上，四只用蜡笔绘成的眼睛从领带的"假结"一直延伸到领带末端。这是毕加索送给纽约现代艺术博物馆第一任馆长，以好眼力闻名的阿尔弗雷德·巴尔的礼物。
Most of the Met’s Picassos came as bequests or gifts. In his catalogue essay, the exhibition’s curator, Gary Tinterow, wittily tells the story of how they came to be where they are. It is fun to match the works on view with the people who gave them, speculating about the characters of the benefactors. Scofield Thayer, a poet and publisher, favoured dreamy Picassos with the odd bit of pornography thrown in. Alfred Stieglitz, photographer and art dealer, preferred edgy, angular cubist works on paper. Jacques and Natasha Gelman, film buffs, seemed to concentrate on nervy, aggressive images.
大都会博物馆毕加索藏品的大部分来自遗赠或礼物。在本次毕加索展览负责人，Gary Tinterow的目录文章里，他俏皮地讲述了这些作品的来龙去脉。将这些作品和他们馈赠者的性格特质联系起来，是颇有趣味的。（边看这些展品，边把它们和捐赠人联系起来，想想是他们会是些什么样的人，这倒是挺有意思的。）诗人和出版商Scofield Thayer推崇爱异想天开时期的毕加索，作品中带有些许可有可无的色情味道。Alfred Stieglitz是一位摄影师和艺术品经销商，他对那些锐利的、带有棱角的纸上立体主义作品情有独钟。Jacques Gelman和Natasha Gelman都是电影迷，他们似乎专注于那些紧绷的、具有侵略性的画面。
From its opening in 1870, the Met showed contemporary art. But both the art and the men who ran the museum were conservative. During the century that followed, the men remained much the same. Art changed radically.
自1870年开张以来，大都会博物馆一直有当代艺术的展出。然而那些艺术品和博物馆的管理者都是保守一派。之后整个世纪内的继任者也如出一辙。然而在艺术方面却发生了翻天覆地的变化。
In 1921 champions of impressionist and post-impressionist art from France proposed a show. The Met’s trustees were afraid it would provoke public outrage and Bryson Burroughs, its director, thought Picasso a madman. But the modernists, including Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney, an heiress and sculptor, kept up the pressure and, reluctantly, the Met went ahead. There was a press uproar. “Friends” of the museum issued a pamphlet giving warning of its moral decay.
1921年，法国的印象主义和后印象主义先锋们想要举办一次展览。当时大都会博物馆的理事们担心会激怒公众。馆长Bryson Burroughs觉得毕加索是个疯子。然而，包括Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney（女继承人，雕塑家）在内的现代主义者们顶住了压力，坚持要进行展览，大都会万般无奈之下，只好同意。当时的记者们一片喧哗。博物馆的“朋友们”发行了一本小册子，用来警示其沦丧的道德标准。
A quarter of a century later Stein bequeathed Picasso’s portrait to the Met. It may seem a perverse decision for a self-declared modernist. But she had a stupendous ego. In her view the work was a collaboration between two 20th-century geniuses: the artist and his sitter. It deserved, it demanded, a secure home. In 1946, when Stein wrote her will, MoMA was only 15 years old. The Met was established and rich.
二十五年后斯坦把毕加索为自己所画的肖像捐给了大都会博物馆。对于自诩现代主义者的她而言，看起来这可能是个乖张的决定。然而她曾是那么惊人地自负。在她看来这幅作品是二十世纪两位天才之间的合作：画家和他的模特。这副作品值得有，也必须有一个安全的藏身之处。1946年，当斯坦女士写下她的遗嘱时，纽约现代艺术博物馆只有十五年历史，而相比之下大都会博物馆则盛名久远，藏品也更丰富。
Luckily for the Met others too found this a persuasive argument. For the museum had no acquisition policy. There was no targeting of works to fill gaps. The helter-skelter collection just accumulated. None of Picasso’s pots and plates came to the Met; there is nothing of his imaginative metal sculpture. The weight is on early works: the blue, rose and classical periods leading to cubism. What might seem a limitation gives the show a freshness that retrospectives often lack.
大都会博物馆是幸运的，其他馈赠者也觉得斯坦的理由很有说服力。博物馆没有任何获得藏品的相关政策，也没有计划用特定作品来填补缺口。于是来一件收藏一件，就这样逐渐积少成多。毕加索的陶罐和盘子艺术品，还有他那些想象力丰富的金属雕塑作品都没有来到大都会。大都会所收藏的主要是他早期的作品：从蓝色时期、玫瑰时期、古典时期，到后来的`立体主义时期。这看似有限的收藏却给展出带来了一丝新鲜感，这种新鲜感正是回顾展所缺乏的。
A degree of balance is achieved at the exhibition’s end. The last room is hung with 119 prints from Picasso’s Suite 347, aquatints and etchings made in 1968, five years before he died. They are a visual autobiography. Here is the artist with his models and his mentors, among them Raphael and Velázquez. There are horses and musketeers, lovers and lots of women with their legs open wide.更多信息请访问：http://www.24en.com/
展出的最后一部分达到了某种程度的平衡。最后一个展厅挂着119副毕加索《347套房》系列版画、凹版腐蚀制版画和铜版画。这些作品创作于艺术家逝世前五年的1968年。它们是毕加索的视觉自传。这里你能看到他和他的偶像们和导师们在一起，其中就有拉斐尔和委拉斯开兹。这些作品中你能看到马、火枪手、情人和许多大腿张开的女人。
Cynics may suppose that this exhibition of the Met’s own treasures is a bid to make the best of recession cutbacks (shows of pictures on loan are expensive). The museum’s director, Tom Campbell, insists that this is not so: “this is not the Met in lockdown mode.” Instead, it reflects his decision to increase the attention given to the museum’s magnificent permanent collection. Big loan-shows are on the way. But so are more in-house blockbusters.
讽世者可能会猜测这次大都会博物馆展出自己的珍品其实是想要从经济衰退中获取最大的利益（借画来展出的费用是很昂贵的）。馆长Tom Campbell坚持声明事实并非如此：“大都会没有停止不前。“相反，这次展出折射出馆长的决定，即增加人们对博物馆永恒恢弘的收藏品的注意力。通过借画的大型展出正在酝酿中。更多博物馆的自家珍藏也会展出。
珍妮佛安妮斯顿长裙"罗曼秀"
珍妮佛安妮斯顿在首映式上，以一袭希腊长裙艳惊四座。这种“罗曼秀”的惯例是不是令人有点儿疲劳了？
Jennifer Aniston dazzles at premiere in a gorgeous Grecian dress (but isn't this showmance routine getting a little tired?)
珍妮佛安妮斯顿在首映式上，以一袭希腊长裙艳惊四座（这种“罗曼秀”的惯例是不是令人有点儿疲劳了？）
She usually plays it safe on the red carpet in her favourite look - a little black dress - but last night Jennifer Aniston pulled out all the stops for the New York premiere of her new romcom, The Bounty Hunter.
珍妮佛通常是以保守的姿态出现在红地毯上——她经常穿黑色小连衣裙。但昨晚珍妮佛在她的最新浪漫喜剧《赏金猎人》的首映式上使出了浑身解数。
The actress, 41, surprised the crowd with a nude-coloured Grecian jersey dress by Donna Karan which skimmed neatly over her incredibly toned physique.
这位41岁的女演员身着唐娜卡兰设计的肉色希腊针织连衣裙惊艳了全场，这身衣服巧妙的衬托出她美丽的古铜色肌肤。
But there was another element to the night which was far more predictable - her over-the-top display of friendly affection with co-star Gerard Butler.
但这晚还有另外一件很确凿的事情——她秀出了她与合作的男影星杰拉德·巴特勒的友爱之情，而她似乎有点儿秀过火了。
It's a familiar sight for seasoned red-carpet watchers, who have seen the pair put on similar performances at the UK premiere in London last week and as far back as the Golden Globes in January.
这一幕对那些经常观看红地毯走秀的观众们非常熟悉，因为他们看到过这对搭档在上周英国伦敦的首映式中，上演了类似一出表演，而再往前算，他们在一月份金球奖现场也上演了同一出戏。
The co-stars have also raved about one another on morning talk shows, late-night chat programmes and magazine covers.
这对合作的明星在早间脱口秀栏目、晚间谈话节目以及杂志封面访谈中，也互为对方而倾倒。
While they have clearly courted attention with persistent touchy-feely routines and gushing comments, the pair have simultaneously denied any romantic links.
虽然他们以露骨的身体接触方式以及互相过分的称赞吸引了人们的眼球，但这对搭档却同时否定，他们之间没有擦出爱情的火花。
They even holidayed together in Mexico but Jennifer insists their relationship is genuine and platonic.
尽管他们在墨西哥一起度假，但珍妮佛仍坚持表示，他们之间的关系很纯粹，有的只是精神上的交流。
She says: 'You know there's all this stuff about calculating... that me and Gerry are in this fake relationship for the press of our movie or the selling of it.
她说，“我总听到这类言论，人们认为我和杰瑞是想用这种假情侣关系来吸引人们对电影的关注，或是提高电影的卖座。”
'It's just so insulting at the same time, but again it's the story... I'm getting to a better place in understanding that they're just making money.'
“这对我们实在是一种侮辱，但我还是要说这毕竟只是编造的故事，我现在只是这么想，人们编造这些新闻只是为了赚钱。”
小孩频用手机会导致脱发
在一项对于健康的重点调查中，物理放射学家Lawrie Challis在这项调查中说她早就觉得小于12岁的孩子不应该使用手机。手机辐射的危害大家都清楚，为什么要让小孩子这么早就受其危害呢？
Doubts about the long-term safety of mobile phones have been raised again today at the launch of a major investigation into potential health risks.
在一项对于健康的重点调查中，长期使用手机是否安全的话题又被大家摆上了桌面。
At the launch, Lawrie Challis, a physicist and expert on the effects of radiation, said he already thought under-12s should not use mobile phones.
物理放射学家Lawrie Challis在这项调查中说她早就觉得小于12岁的孩子不应该使用手机。
He also advises teenagers to use their phone to text, rather than talk, where possible and adults to use hands-free headsets.
他还建议孩子们多发信息少打电话，如果可能的话，尽量和大人们一起使用免提耳机。
Ever since the technology emerged in the 1980s and 1990s there were claims of health problems linked to mobile phones ranging from brain cancer to migraines and infertility.
自从这项技术在80-90年代出现以来，人们就声称手机会导致健康问题，包括脱发，偏头痛及脑癌。
Results from individual participating countries have suggested an association between more than 10 years of mobile phone usage and some tumours.
个别参与国的调查已经表明了连续10年以上的手机使用和肿瘤的某种联系。
But it is still not clear to what extent this might be due to 'selection bias' - cancer patients over-reporting mobile phone use on the side of the head where their tumour arose.
但是还不清楚到什么程度。这个可能也和选择习惯有关。癌症患者的报告显示，哪边大脑使用手机多，哪边的肿瘤就会变大。