幽默爆笑英语笑话简短

　　看过非常精彩的吗?下面由YJBYS小编给您送上几段，让您慢慢看。

　　At a Department Store 在百货商店里

　　A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?”

　　一个结巴壮汉走进一家百货公司问柜员：“男……男装部在……在哪儿?”

　　The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

　　柜台后的柜员看着他不搭话。

　　The man repeats himself, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him.

　　那男人又重复道：“男装……装部在……在哪儿?”柜员还是不理他。

　　The guy asks several more times, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” And the clerk just seems to ignore him. Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.

　　壮汉问了好几遍柜员依旧如故。最后，壮汉气冲冲地走了。

　　The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, “Why wouldn’t you answer that guy’s questions?”

　　排在后面的顾客问那个柜员：“你怎么不答人家话呀?”

　　The clerk answers, “D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!”

　　柜员说：“你……你觉着我……我想找打……打是吧!?”

　　摩西和耶稣

　　A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird moses??" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS Rottweiler "JESUS".

　　一个窃贼潜入一户人家。他看到一个喜欢的'CD机，他赶紧拿了。就在这个时候他听到有人说：“耶稣正在看着你。”他照着手电看来看去，嘀咕着：“到底是什么人在说话?”这时，他看到桌子上有些钱，他又拿了。。。那声音又来了：“耶稣正在看着你。”他躲到一个角落，想找出是谁在说话。结果看到一只鹦鹉，于是他问鹦鹉：“是你在说话吗?”鹦鹉承认了。 小贼说：“你叫什么名字?”“摩西”。小贼说：“什么人给鸟取这种名字?”鹦鹉回答：“就是那个给他的罗威那犬取名为‘耶稣’的那个人啊。”

　　Only One Eye to Settle On

　　The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before ?"

　　"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.

　　姑娘找到媒人，说：“你欺骗了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前为什么不告诉我?” “怎么没告诉你?”媒人也不甘示弱，“你们第一回见面后，我就说，他一眼就看中你了。”

　　上帝是不聋，可奶奶聋呀!

　　Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents'. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

　　His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

　　To which the younger one replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

　　两个小男孩在他们的祖父母家过夜。睡觉时间到了，这两个小男孩跪在床上祈祷。弟弟用非常大的声音祈祷着，“我祈求有一辆新自行车……我祈求有一个新游戏机……我祈求有一个新录像机……”

　　他的哥哥用胳膊肘轻轻地碰了他一下，说：“你为什么这么大声地喊叫呢?上帝又不是聋子。”

　　弟弟听了回答道：“上帝是不聋，可奶奶聋呀!”