幽默爆冷英语笑话

　　一眼就看中

　　The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before?"

　　"I have told you." said the go-between with justice on his side, "when you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye."

　　姑娘找到媒人，说：“你欺骗了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前为什么不告诉我?”

　　“怎么没告诉你?”媒人也不甘示弱，“你们第一回见面后，我就说，他一眼就看中你了。”

　　Isn’t it wonderful?

　　"What are you so happy about?"a woman asked the 98-year-old man.

　　"I broke a mirror," he replied.

　　"But that means seven years of bad luck."

　　"I know." he said, beaming,"Isn’t it wonderful?"

　　这难道不好吗?

　　“你高兴什么?”一个女士问一个98岁的老人。

　　“我打碎了一个镜子。”他回答。

　　“但那预示着7年的坏运气。”

　　“我知道。”他高兴地说，“这难道不好吗?”

　　一个坟墓了埋了三个人

　　A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read, "Here lies John Kelly, a lawyer and an honest man."

　　"How about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave."

　　有一个人参观墓地时见到一块墓碑上写着：“在这里安息的是约翰凯利，一个律师，一个诚实的人。”

　　“这是怎么回事!”他叫了起来。“他们在一个坟墓了埋了三个人。”

　　狗住旅店

　　A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

　　有个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?”

　　An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

　　旅馆主人立即回了封信，“我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单， 餐具，或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们非常欢迎您的`狗来我们旅馆，如果它为您担保，也欢迎您来。

　　相亲 Blind Date

　　After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

　　和盲约对象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了个朋友给他打电话，这样他就能借故先离开了。当他回到桌边，他垂下眼睛，装出一副阴沉的表情，说：“有个不幸的消息，我的祖父刚刚去世了。”“谢天谢地!”他的约会对象说，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了!”

　　I don't think I know

　　Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"

　　John: "What do you think it is, sir?"

　　Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"

　　John: "I don't think I know either, sir!"

　　老师：“John，动词ring的过去分词是什么?”。

　　约翰：“你想它是什么呢”?

　　老师：“我不用想，我知道!”。

　　约翰：“我想我不知道”。