英语笑话汇编

　　导语：通过阅读，可以帮助大家的英语学习，提高大家的影院水平哦。以下是小编整理的英语笑话，欢迎各位的阅读与参考。

　　英语笑话1：三只乌龟

　　Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee.

　　三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。

　　Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.

　　它们刚到咖啡店的门口，就下起雨来。

　　The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."

　　于是最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说，“你回家去取伞吧。”

　　The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don't drink my offee."

　　最小的乌龟说，“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”

　　"We won't," the other two promised.

　　“我们不喝，”另外两只乌龟答应说。

　　Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isn't coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."

　　两年后，大乌龟对中乌龟说，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回来了，我们可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”

　　Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won't go."

　　正在这时，一个声音从门外传来，“你们要是喝了，我就不去。”

　　英语笑话2：送礼

　　A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sum of money was talking to his lawyer.

　　一个被告卷入了一桩牵涉大笔资金的诉讼案，他去找他的律师。

　　A:If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.

　　如果我输了这场官司，我就完了。

　　B:It's in the judge's hand now.

　　这事掌握在法官的手上。

　　A:Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?

　　如果我给法官送一箱雪茄，会不会起点作用?

　　B:Oh.no !This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior.A turu like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hald you in contempt of coun. in fact.you shouldn't even smile ai the judge.

　　哦.不会的!这位法官很固执，非常注意职业道德。这种花招只会让他对你产生偏见，他甚至会认为你蔑视法庭。事实上，你甚至都不用对他微笑。

　　With in the course of time,the judge wndered a decision in favor of the defendant.As the defendanL leR the counhouae,

　　最后，法官作了一个有利于被告的判决，当被告离开法院时。

　　A:Thanks for the tip about the cigars.It worked.

　　谢谢你关于雪茄的忠告，这很管用。

　　B:I'm sure we wodd have lost the caae if you'd sent them.

　　如果你送了的话，我肯定会输掉这场官司。

　　A:But did send them.

　　但是我的确送了。

　　B:What? You did?!

　　什么?你送了?!

　　A:Yes.That's how we won the case.

　　对，这就是我们会赢这场官司的原因。

　　B:I don't understand.

　　我不明白。

　　A:It's easy.I sent the cigars to the judge,but enclosed the plaintiff's business card.

　　这很简单，我把雪茄送到了法官那里，但是附上了原告的一张名片。

　　英语笑话3：吝啬鬼的餐会

　　The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

　　"Why use my elbow and foot?"

　　"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"

　　一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了后，再用你的脚把门推开。”

　　“为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢?”

　　“天哪!” 吝啬鬼回答，“你总不会空着手来吧?”

　　英语笑话4：真尴尬啊

　　On my first day of classes at my university I took a front-row seat in my literature course.

　　大学的'第一天，文学课我坐在了前排。

　　The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose.

　　教授告诉我们这学期必须得读五本书，他提供我们可供选择的作者名单。

　　Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began, "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..."

　　随后他缓步走上讲台，拿出课本，“贝克、布莱克、布鲁斯、卡特、库克…”

　　I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered, "He's taking attendance."

　　为了写下所有的名字，我不得不疯狂的作着记录。这时有人轻轻的拍我肩膀，坐在我后面的学生悄悄告诉我：“他在点名呢。”

　　英语笑话5：又要结婚了

　　"So you want another day off,”snorted the teacher to his student，Tom.“I am anxious to hear what excuse you have this time. You have been off for your grandfather's funeral four times already.”

　　“这么说，你又要请一天假，”老师怒气冲冲地对他的学生汤姆说，“我倒想知道你这次找什么借口。你已经请了四次假说去参加你爷爷的葬礼。”

　　Tom replied，"Today my grandma is getting married again.”

　　汤姆回答说:“今天是我奶奶再次举行婚礼。”