情人节幽默段子笑话
像大多数别的小孩一样,两岁艾咪丽雅不爱洗手,吃东西弄脏手,随便在身上一抹就得了。一天我正陪她吃炸知了,她手上的油多了,便习惯地往真丝小褂子上蹭,我阻止道:"你想干什么?"她马上意识到问题所在,从容答道:"我叉腰。"以下是小编为大家整理分享的情人节幽默段子笑话,欢迎阅读参考。
情人节幽默段子笑话
吃什么长大的
我同事跟人争执,急了张口来了句:"你以为我吃饭长大的啊?"我一直纳闷他到底吃什么长大的。
now i have two skunks in there
"we have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "how can we get it out?"
"take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. then leave the cellar door open."
sometime later the resident called back. "did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher.
"no," replied the caller. "now i have two skunks in there!"
"我们的地下室里有一只臭鼬,"打电话的人对警察调度员尖叫道。"我们怎样才能把它弄出来?"
"弄一些面包屑,"调度员说;"从地下室往外铺一条小道直到后院。然后将地下室的门打开。"
一段时间后,那人又打电话打了回来。"你们将它弄出来了吗?"调度员问他。
"没有,"打电话的人答道,"现在那儿有两只臭鼬了。"
他已经......不在了
有一次寝室里同学的老妈打电话过来,我习惯说"他不在",但是这一次我想说的的是"已经出去了"。结果说出来是:"他已经......不在了......"
你过去,有人会把你杀掉
大三那年我同学去卖鱼的'商场打工。客人拿了挑好的鱼,我同学很温柔地指着杀鱼台对他说:"你过去,有人会把你杀掉。"......
那你只能吃屎了
一个消化不良的病人向医生抱怨:我近来很不正常,吃什么拉什么,吃黄瓜拉黄瓜,吃西瓜拉西瓜,怎样才能恢复正常呢?医生沉默片刻,那你只能吃屎了。
强悍的女儿
那天跟老婆一起看一站到底,有一对父女上来答题,女儿18岁了,自告奋勇的去抢东西,答题前的小游戏是让女儿比划"接吻"这个词,女儿比画完,主持人问有生活么?女儿说有啊,父亲惊呆了,问什么时候的事情,我怎么不知道,女儿对父亲说就是那年跟你说过啊,父亲很无语,这是女人突然对父亲说:"你是不是觉得种了棵白菜,让猪给拱了"。全场暴汗。。。。。。无语
打个例子
政治老师有一次讲课的时候说:"下面我举个比方",然后觉得不对,又说:"打个例子"
你的西瓜有皮吗
那天去买西瓜,听见有人在问卖瓜的:你的西瓜有皮吗?
一杯包子,两个naizi
一次,我去买早餐,排队时发现平时不苟言笑的老板也在排队,于是非常紧张,打过招呼后,对厨师说:"师傅麻烦来一杯包子,两个naizi!"
唯有我是司机
a short young man was running behind a bus which was full of passengers. but the bus still ran at a great speed.
"stop, stop, " a passenger looked out of the window, and shouted at the young man, "you can't catch it ! "
"i must," the young fellow said, out of breath, "because i'm only driver of the bus.
在一辆满载乘客的公共汽车后面,一位小个子青年在奔跑着。气车仍在高速前进。 "停下吧,"一位乘客把头伸出窗子,对小个子喊道,"你追不上的!"
"我必须追上,"小个子气喘吁吁地说,"我是司机!"
akimbo (叉腰)
just like most of other kids, aged two emilia didn' t like washing hands──she' s always wiping the dirt off hands on her clothes. one day i accompanied her to have fried cicadae(蝉). habitually she rubbed her grease fingers on her real silk short gown. i held back (阻挡) her from doing it: " what do you want to do?" she was immediately on to (意识)her blame, replied at ease(从容): " i' m akimbo."
像大多数别的小孩一样,两岁艾咪丽雅不爱洗手,吃东西弄脏手,随便在身上一抹就得了。一天我正陪她吃炸知了,她手上的油多了,便习惯地往真丝小褂子上蹭,我阻止道:"你想干什么?"她马上意识到问题所在,从容答道:"我叉腰。"
生熊猫那才尊贵
狗对熊说:"嫁给我吧,嫁给我你会幸福"熊说:"才不嫁呢,嫁给你只会生狗熊,我要嫁给猫,生熊猫那才尊贵呢"
女生面对劫色的策略
轻描淡写式:你要来也可以,但要抓紧时间。我跟男友约好这个时间在这里见面的。他是个醋罐子,一会给他看见了,非掐死你不可!
胸脯吃饭
小驴问老驴:"为啥咱们天天吃干草,而奶牛顿顿精饲料:老驴叹到:"咱爷们比不了,我们是靠跑腿吃饭,人家是靠胸脯吃饭"
借公牛一用
once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words.
one day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man.
after the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, "ok, i know. go and tell your master, i'll go myself shortly.
从前,有个人很富有,但他不识字。
一天,他的一位朋友想向他借一头公牛,便写了个条,让仆人送到富人那里。 仆人把条子给了富人。富人便假装看了一会儿,然后说道:"好啦,我知道了。回去告诉你的主人,我马上自己过去。"