精选笑翻天的英语笑话

　　生活需要笑话，笑话能愉悦我们的心情，欢迎欣赏精选笑翻天的!

　　精选笑翻天的英语笑话(一)

　　A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

　　Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his coke, then tosses it and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

　　The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up and the rabbit again says, "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!"

　　The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the hell out of the rabbit. As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"

　　The lion answers, "He makes me run around the forest like an idiot each time he's on ecstasy!"

　　有一只小白兔快乐地奔跑在森林中，在路上它碰到一只正在卷大麻的长颈鹿。小白兔看着长颈鹿说道：“长颈鹿我的朋友，你为什么要做这种事呢?和我一起在森林中奔跑吧，你会感觉心情舒畅很多!”长颈鹿看看小白兔，又看看手里的大麻烟，把大麻烟向身后一扔，跟着小白兔在森林中奔跑。

　　后来它们遇到一只正准备吸食可卡因的大象，小白兔又对大象说：“大象我的朋友，你为什么要做这种事呢?想想自己的健康啊。跟我们一起在这片美丽的森林中奔跑吧，你会感觉好很多!”大象看看它们，又看看手中的可卡因，于是把可卡因向身后一扔，跟着小白兔和长颈鹿一起奔跑。

　　后来它们遇到一只正准备注射毒品的狮子，小白兔又对狮子说：“狮子我的朋友，你为什么要做这种事呢?想想自己的健康啊!跟我们一起在这片阳光明媚的森林中奔跑吧，你会感觉如此美好!”

　　狮子看看小白兔，放下手中的针筒，把小白兔猛揍了一顿。长颈鹿和大象被吓坏了，它们看着狮子问它：“狮子，你为什么要打小白兔呢?它只是想要帮助我们大家啊!”

　　狮子回答：“这家伙每次嗑了摇头丸就拉着我像白痴一样在森林里乱跑!”

　　精选笑翻天的`英语笑话(二)

　　A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4 p. m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury.

　　The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom. The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury-room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited.

　　After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well have they got a verdict yet?"

　　The bailiff shook his head and said, "Verdict? Hell, they're still doing nominating speeches for the foreman's position!"

　　在一个小城市，一位法官正在审理一起酒后驾车案件。被告不仅有过酒后驾车的记录，而且声誉也不是太好，现在只是缺少一个陪审团作出裁决。因为已经接近下午四点，找个陪审团来会耽误很多时间。因此，法官宣布休庭后，就到外面随便挑选了一些人来充当陪审团。刚一出门，他就发现大 厅刚好有12个律师，便请求他们充当陪审团。

　　听了法官的话，这些律师们认为这将会是一次新奇的经历，因此，便跟随法官回到了法庭。不到10分钟，案子就已接近尾声，因为被告明显是有罪的。陪审团回到陪审室进行商议，法官就等着宣布结果，马上回家。每个人都在等待着最后的判决。

　　大概过了3个小时，法官已经彻底失去了耐心，便派法警去看看判决为什么耽误了这么久。当法警回来后，法官问他：“怎么样?他们是否作出了最后的判决?”

　　法警摇摇头说：“判决?天啊，他们为了推选陪审团主席，还在进行演讲呢!”

　　精选笑翻天的英语笑话(三)

　　At the supermarket near our convent I had filled my cart in a hurry and suddenly had an uneasy feeling that I didn't have enough money to pay for all the goods. In desperation I emptied all the items onto the floor and kneeing down, began to add up the prices.

　　Just then a young supervisor strolled over, bent down and whispered confidentially, "It doesn't matter how hard you pray, sister. We're not reducing the prices."

　　在我们修道院附近的超市，我急急忙忙地装了满满一推车的东西。突然之间，我有了一种不安的感觉：我带的钱可能不足以支付所有的商品。无可奈何之下，我把所有的东西都摆在地板上，跪下来开始把所有东西的价格加在一起。

　　正在此时，一个年轻的超市管理员走了过来。他弯下腰，对我耳语道：“修女，无论你怎么费劲祈祷，我们现在都不会降价。”