英文笑话带翻译

　　英文笑话带翻译一：

　　"Professor, I did the best I could on this test. I really don't think I deserve a zero."

　　"Neither do I. But that's the lowest grade I'm allowed to give."

　　学生：“教授先生，我这次考试已经竭尽全力了。我真的觉得我不应该得零蛋。”老师：“我也是。但是这已经是我能给的最低分了!”

　　英文笑话带翻译二：

　　An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation(集会) for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."

　　衣阿华州奥格根的一位牧师正在与一位教友为一杯咖啡而猜硬币。别人问他那是否构成赌博行为时，牧师答道：“这仅仅是决定由谁来做一件善事的一种科学方法。”当我人问哲学家罗素是否愿意为了他的'信仰而献身时，他答道：“当然不会。毕竟，我可能会是错的。”一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：“如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将救出哪一幅?” 获奖的答案是：“最接近门口的那一幅。”

　　英文笑话带翻译三：

　　Peter joined the army when he was eighteen, and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier. He did quite well in everything except shooting.One day he and his friends were practicing their shooting, and all of them were doing quite well except Peter. After he had shot at the target nine times and had not hit it once, the officer who was trying to teach the young soldiers to shoot said, You're quite hopeless, Peter! Don't waste your last bullet too! Go behind that wall and shoot yourself with it!Peter felt ashamed. He went behind the wall, and a few seconds later the officer and the other young soldiers heard the sound of a shot.Heavens! The officer said. Has that silly man really shot himself?He ran behind the wall anxiously, but Peter was all right. I'm sorry, sir, he said, but I missed again.

　　彼得十八岁那年参了军，他需要参加几个月的学习以成为一名好士兵。彼得在其他方面都做得很好，但是射击不行。一天他和伙伴们练习射击，除了彼得其他人都没有问题。他射了九次，一次也没有命中目标。这时，教新兵射击的教官说：彼得，你看来是没希望了，不要连最后一发子弹都浪费掉!去那堵墙后面用它向自己打一枪吧。彼得感到非常惭愧。他走到那堵墙后面。几分钟后，教官和新兵们听到一声枪响。上帝!教官叫起来，难道那个笨蛋真的朝自己开枪了?他急忙跑到那堵墙后面，发现彼得安然无恙。对不起，长官，他说，我还是没有命中。