初中英语幽默笑话

　　During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of approximately $1million U.S.

　　The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.

　　The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.

　　在二十世纪六十年代，美国和苏联正处于太空竞赛的白热化阶段，美国航空航天局决定研制一种圆珠笔，以便在太空舱重力为零的环境下仍然可以书写。经过大量的`研发工作，花费了大约一百万美元的成本，太空笔终于研制出来了。那支笔果然可以在太空书写，在回到地球后，作为一样新奇的小玩意儿也确实吸引了一些目光。

　　而面临着同样难题的苏联，则选择了一支铅笔。

　　When I take a long time, I am slow.

　　When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.

　　When I don't do it, I am lazy.

　　When my boss doesn't do it, he is too busy.

　　When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart.

　　When my boss does the same, that is initiative.

　　When I please my boss, I am ass-kissing.

　　When my boss pleases his boss, he is co-operating.

　　I do good, my boss never remembers.

　　When I do wrong, he never forgets.

　　我做事情花了长时间，是效率低;

　　老板做事情花了长时间，是深思熟虑。

　　我没有做完事情，是懒惰;

　　老板没有做完事情，是太繁忙。

　　没有人告诉我的事情我做了，是自作聪明;

　　老板做了同样的事情，是首创。

　　我取悦老板，是献媚;

　　老板取悦他的老板，是合作。

　　我干得好，老板从来不会想起;

　　我干得不好，老板从来不会忘记。

　　The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, "Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket." He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said,

　　"That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch."

　　老师正在给学生上生物课：“现在，我将要给你们看我袋子里的这只青蛙。”接着，他把手伸进口袋，却拿出了一份鸡肉三文治。老师满脸困惑地看了一眼，沉思了一会儿，说道：“真奇怪。我明明记得我已经把午饭吃掉了。”

　　One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."

　　The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?"

　　The little girl replied, "My homework."

　　一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：“妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。”

　　妈妈激动地说：“那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么?”

　　小女孩回答说：“我的家庭作业。”

　　An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in

　　prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden.

　　He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!"

　　At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns.

　　Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.

　　His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."

　　一个老人独居在北爱尔兰，他的独生子正在坐牢。老人想在花园里种些土豆，但不知道谁可以帮忙把泥土翻松。他写信想儿子提及此事，儿子回信说道：“看在上帝的面上，千万不要翻松花园的泥土，我把枪埋在那儿了。”

　　第二天凌晨4点，一队英国士兵出现在老人家中，在花园把土地翻遍，但并没有找到任何枪支。”

　　老人写信告诉儿子这件奇怪的事情，问到底发生了什么事情，下一步应该怎么做。

　　儿子回信道：“你只管种土豆好了。”