英语幽默笑话精选
1、Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事?” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
2、Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?" After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so. “Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily. But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?” 愚蠢的问题 丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的门口，而且许多人都会停下来问他:“请问现在几点?” 几个月后，丹想:“我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了，我要去买一只大钟，把它挂在这儿的墙上。”于是他买了一只钟，把它挂在了墙上。 “现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了。”他高兴地想。 可是打那以后，每天仍有许多人停下来，看看钟，然后问丹:“这钟准吗?”
3、One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do. The mother exclaimed, But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do? The little girl replied, My homework. 一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。 妈妈激动地说：那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的'老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么? 小女孩回答说：我的家庭作业。