双语幽默英语笑话汇集
1、话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。 A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大拇指道：「I AM 后羿!」 B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM 丘比特!」 轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出!结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」 Note by Jodie: 此处用西班牙口音说Sorry肥更有趣
2、昨天来了个外国人，进到办公室，前台小姐左看右看，大家都在打游戏，只有自己比较清闲，就面带微笑的："Hello?" 外国人："Hi." 前台小姐："You have what thing?"(你有什么事?) 外国人："Can you speak English?"(你会讲英语吗) 前台小姐："If I not speak English， I am speaking what?"(如果我不会说，那我现在说的什么) 外国人："Can anybody else speak English? "(还有谁能讲英语吗) 前台小姐："You yourself look. all people are playing，no people have time， you can wait， you wait， you not wait， you go."(你自己看看，所有人都在玩呢，都没空，你愿意等就等，不愿意就走你) 外国人：I want to ask about online shopping.(我想咨询下关于网上购物的事情) 前台小姐:Online shopping?is Use Internet shopping，You de understand?(网上购物?就是用上网购物，你的明白?) 外国人：。。。。。 前台小姐：you can baidu“top leader”!!你可以去百度“尚品领袖” 外国人：。。。。"Good heavens. anybody here can speak English?"(我的上帝，这儿有谁会说英语吗?) I want to speak to your head."(我想和你的领导谈谈) 前台小姐："Head not zai.You tomorrow come."(头儿不在，你明天再来吧)
3、Bad news and good news 好消息和坏消息 An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. 一名艺术家问画廊老板，最近有没有人对他展出的画感兴趣。 "I've got good news and bad news," owner replied. “这有好消息和坏消息，”老板回答。 "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. “好消息是有一位先生咨询你的作品，他想知道在你死后你的画会不会升值。 When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings. 我告诉他你的画会升值，他就把你的15幅画全都买走了。” "That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed," What's the bad news?" “真是太好了”，艺术家是喜形于色，“那坏消息是什么?” With concern, the gallery owner replied,"The guy was your doctor." 带着关心的口吻，画廊老板回答，“买画的人是你的医生”。
4、女儿的来信 Joan and her neighbor are talking about their daughters, Joan says, my daughter is at the university. She’s very bright, you know. Every time we get a letter from her we have to go to the dictionary. Her neighbor says you are lucky every time we hear from our daughter we have to go to the bank. Joan和她的邻居在一起聊天，聊到各自的女儿;Joan说我女儿在上大学。她很聪明，你知道的。每次我们接到她的来信，我们都要查字典。 她的邻居说，你真幸运!每次我们接到我女儿的信，我们都要去银行。
5、A New Mum took her baby daughter to the supermarket for the first time. 一个年轻的妈妈头一回带着她的宝贝女儿到超市买东西， She dressed her in pink from head to toe. 她把小宝贝从头到脚穿上粉红色的衣服。 At the store, she placed her in the shopping cart and put her purchases around her. 在商场，她把小女孩放在购物车里，把买来的东西都推在孩子周围。 At the checkout line a small boy and his mother were ahead of them. 在付款台前排队时，一个小男孩和他妈妈正好排在她们前面。 The child was crying and begging for some special treat. 那个小男孩在哭，看上去在向他妈要着什么东西，年轻的妈妈想， He wants some candy or gumand his mother won't let him have any, she thought. 这个小孩一定是要糖果或是口香糖之类的玩意儿，而他妈妈又不给，所以才闹得这么厉害。 Then she heard his mother's reply. 然而就在这个时候，她听到男孩的妈妈一边回答说， "No!"she said, looking in her direction. “不行，”一边往她的方向看过来， "You may not have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one" “你今天不能买一个小妹妹了，那位女士把最后一个买走了!”