最爆笑的英语笑话

　　An Unwelcome Honor

　　A doctor came into the hospital ward and said to Mr. Johnson, "I have some good news and some bad news for you."

　　Then Mr. Johnson said, "Please, give me the good news first."

　　So the doctor said, "The doctors here are going to name an incurable disease after you."

　　宁可不要的荣耀

　　一位医生走进医院的病房，告诉强森先生：“我有一个好消息和一个坏消息要告诉你。”

　　强森先生说：“请先告诉我好消息吧!”

　　医生说：“本院的医师决定用你的名字，来为一种不治之症命名。”

　　A Lesson In Reading

　　I had a schoolmate who had come into school at an age later than usual，and could hardly read. There was a book used by the learners in reading called“Dialogues between a Missionary and an Indian”，It was a poor performance，full of inconclusive arguments and other commonplaces.The boy in question used to appear with this book in his hand in the middle of the school，the master standing behind him.

　　The lesson was to begin.The poor fellow，whose great fault lay in a deep toned drawl of his syllable and the omission of his stops，stood half looking at the book，and half casting his eye towarcJs the right of him，whence the blows were to proceed. The master looked over him，and his hand was ready.I am not exact in my quotation at this distance of time;but the spirit of one of the passages that I recollect was to the following purport，and thus did the teacher and his pupil proceed:

　　Master: Now，young man，have a care;or I’II set you a swinging task. (A common phrase of his.)

　　Pupil faking a sort of heavy bolt at his calamity，and never remembering his stop at the word“Missionary"): Missionary Can you see the wind?(Master gives him a slap on the cheek.)

　　Pupil (raising his voice to a cry, and still forgetting his stop):Indian No!

　　Master: Zounds，young man ! have a care，how you provoke me

　　Pupil (always forgetting the stop): Missionary How then do you know that there is such a thing? (Here a terrible thump.)

　　Pupil(with a shout of agony):Indian Because I feel it.

　　一节诵读课

　　当年我有个同学，入学比常规的年龄要迟，而且几乎完全不会读书。那时有个学生用的阅读课本，叫做《传教士和印第安人的.对话》。课本不怎么样，尽是不得要领的论说和一些老生常谈。那孩子常常手拿该课本出现在学校中央，身后站着教师。

　　授课即将开始。那可怜的学生的毛病在于他读音节时语调深沉地拖长腔并略去应有的停顿。他站立着，三心二意地看着书，一面向身子右边瞄去，因为打击将会来自那个方向。教师盯视着他，手已摆出了打人的架势。因为时隔已久，我的引述可能不很确切，但就我所忆，先生和学生的一次对话的要旨大致如下:

　　老师:“年轻人，小心点;要不我可要让你狠狠吃点苦头。”(这是他的口头禅。)

　　学生:(大难临头，身体猛然一摇闪，根本记不得在“传教士”一词后应该停顿。)“传教士你能看见风吗?”(教师扇了他一耳光。)

　　学生:(提高了嗓音，几乎是在哭喊，但仍不记得要停顿)“印第安人不能啊!”

　　教师:“该死!年轻人，小心点别惹我发火!”

　　学生:(一如既往漏掉停顿)“传教士那你怎么知道有这样一种东西呢?”(这时来了重重一击。)

　　学生:(痛苦地叫喊)“印第安人因为我感觉到了。”.

　　Good intentions

　　One day a boy came to his teacher and said:"Teacher，my dad wants to know if you like roast pig.”

　　"I certainly do，”said the teacher, "And you tell your father he is very kind to think of me.”

　　Days passed，and nothing more was said about the roast pig.

　　Finally the teacher said to the boy，“I thought your father was going to send me over some roast pig.”

　　"Yes，"said the boy，“He did intend to，but the pig got well.”

　　良好的心愿

　　一天有个男孩去对他老师说:“老师，我爸想知道你是不是爱吃烤猪肉。”

　　“当然口，”老师说，“去告诉你父亲，多谢他想着我。”

　　好几天过去了，男孩再没提起烤猪肉的事儿。

　　最后老师对男孩说:“我以为你父亲要给我送点烤猪肉来呢。”

　　“是啊，”孩子说，“他是这么想的，可后来猪病好了。”