最新搞笑英语笑话

　　让我们在欢笑的同时也能学到英语知识，何乐而不为呢?今天我们就一起来看看最新搞笑英语笑话吧!

　　最新搞笑英语笑话(一)

　　Count to one Hundred Before You Speak

　　In class,the teacher,with his back leaning against the stove,said to the students,"Before you speak,you should think and count to at least 50,and for important matters to 100."

　　No sooner had the teacher stopped talking than the students began to count.

　　at last all the students shouted together,"

---

1...98,99,100.teacher,your clothes are on fire."

　　数到一百再说

　　课堂上，老师背靠火炉站着，对学生们说：“说话前要三思，起码数到50，重要的事情要数到一百。”

　　老师的话音刚落，学生立刻从“1”开始数起来。最后一起喊：“98，99，100!老师，您的衣服着火了。”

　　最新搞笑英语笑话(二)

　　难以琢磨的女人

　　If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman 吻她吧，不够君子

　　If you don't, you are not a man 不吻吧，不象汉子

　　If you praise her, she thinks you are lying 夸她吧，说你欺骗

　　If you don't, you are good for nothing 不夸吧，说你笨蛋

　　If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing 顺她吧，说你气管炎

　　If you don't, you are not understanding 不顺吧，不善解人

　　If you make romance, you are an 'experienced man' 太浪漫，疑你老练

　　If you don't you are half a man 太规矩，魅力不足

　　If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring 常看她，招她厌烦

　　If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing 少去点，怨你猎艳

　　If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy 穿得好，说你花心

　　If you don't, you are a dull boy 邋遢些，缺个心眼

　　If you are jealous, she says it's bad 吃醋吧，你太狭隘

　　最新搞笑英语笑话(三)

　　Wherever I drove my old car over 55 miles per hour ,it vibrated terribly, so I decided to sell it.

　　My first customer wanted to buy the car, and I battled with my conscience over whether or not to tell him of the vehicle's problem. Finally I did the right thing.

　　Expecting him to drop the deal, I was surprised by his reply.

　　That's okay, he said. I'm buying this car for my daughter. If she complains about a vibration, I'll know she's driving too fast.

　　噪音的优点

　　每当我驾驶我那辆旧车时速超过55英里时，它就剧烈地震动起来，所以我决定卖掉它。

　　我的第一位买主想买这辆车。围绕是否告诉他这辆车的问题，我经历了一番与良心的'较量。终于我做对了。

　　我想他会放弃这个交易，却对他的回答吃了一惊。

　　那没什么，他说，我是给我女儿买这车的。如果她抱怨震动的话，那我就知道她开得太快了。