幽默英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子简短

　　有一个男的十分爱他的女朋友 于是就把他女朋友的名字"WENDY" 刻在他的"那话儿"上,于是当"那话 儿"缩小时只看到缩写"WY".一次看到隔壁那个外国人的"那话儿"也有"WY"字样。更多英文笑话尽在应届毕业生笑话网。

　　

神父，他有AIDS

　　One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.

　　有个女孩向神父告解她所犯的罪………

　　Girl: Father, I have sinned.

　　女孩：神父，我有罪。

　　Preacher: What did you do, little girl?

　　神父：孩子，你犯了什麽罪呢?

　　Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a "son of a Bitch."

　　女孩：昨天，我骂了某个男人一句：你这个狗娘养的

　　Preacher: Why? What did he do to you?

　　神父：为什麽?他对你做了什麽吗?

　　Girl: He touched my breast.

　　女孩：他……他摸我的胸部。

　　Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.)

　　神父：你是说像这样子吗?(神父伸手摸女孩的胸部)

　　Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.

　　女孩：(因为神父的举动而有一些害羞)嗯……是的。

　　Preacher: That s no reason to call him that.

　　神父：只是这样子的话你没有理由骂他埃

　　Girl: But he also took off my cloth.

　　女孩：但是……他又把我的衣服脱掉……

　　Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.)

　　神父：你是说像这样子吗?(神父动手脱掉女孩的衣服)

　　Girl: Yes, that s what he did.

　　女孩：是的，是这样子没错。

　　Preacher: That s still no reason to call him that.

　　神父：可是这样子你还是没有理由骂他埃

　　Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...

　　女孩：然後……他把他的'……那个……放到我的……那个……里面……

　　Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this? (And you-know-what)

　　神父：(奸笑貌)你是说像这样子吗?(神父和女孩就那个那个了)

　　Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, that s what he did...

　　女孩：(数分钟後)喔……是的……就是这样子………

　　Preacher: My dear girl, that s still no reason to call him a...

　　神父：我亲爱的孩子，就算是这样你还是没有理由骂他「你这个………」

　　Girl: But he had AIDS!!

　　女孩：但是他有 AIDS 呀!!

　　Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!

　　神父：那个狗娘养的!!!

　　

关于WY的解释

　　有一个男的十分爱他的女朋友 于是就把他女朋友的名字"WENDY" 刻在他的"那话儿"上,于是当"那话 儿"缩小时只看到缩写"WY",有一次他和他的女朋友到夏威 夷去玩,他在上厕所时看到隔壁那 个外国人的"那话儿"也有"WY"字 样,于是很兴奋的问那个外国人: "你的女朋有也叫"WENDY"吗? 外国人回答说:"NO,NO,我刻的是: "WELCOME TO HAWAI AND ENJOY YOUR HOLODAY"

　

　The Watermelon Patch

　　There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch(西瓜地)at night and eat his watermelons.

　　After some careful thought he comes up with a clever idea that he thinks will scare the kids away for sure. So he makes up a sign and posts it in the field.

　　The next day the kids show up and they see this sign, which says, "Warning, one of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide(一种剧毒物质)." So the kids run off and make up their own sign, which they post next to the sign that the farmer made.

　　The farmer shows up the next day to look over his field. He notices that no watermelons are missing but a new sign next to his. He drives over to the sign and takes a look.

　　It says, "Now there are two"

　

　High and low voice

　　"Can you explain to me what the difference is between a high-pitched and low-pitched voice?"

　　"A high-pitched voice is when my father scolds me;a low-pitched voice is when my father speaks with his boss."

　

　More polite

　　A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite.

　　The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was the more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.

　　Women talk more than men

　　A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on the average only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day.

　　She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

　　He said, "What?"

 

　　Diplomatic way

　　A man enters a restaurant, takes a seat, and, instead of using the napkin, takes the table cloth from the table and tucks it around his neck.

　　The head waiter sees it and tells the waiter to go and tell him, in a diplomatic way, that what he did was incorrect.

　　The waiter goes to the man and says, "Good day to you Sir.. Would you like a shave or a haircut?".