看笑话学英语，学习英语不无聊

　　汽车配件 Automobile Fittings

　　A lorry driver makes inquiry of a mountaineer, "Excuse me, where can I buy the auto accessories(附件) in the neighborhood?"

　　Mountaineer says, "Some people usually drive heroic car on the road. There is a abrupt turn(急转弯) ahead not far from here, and a clough(深谷) just below it, where you can find all kinds of the auto accessories. You will spend no money at all."

　　一个卡车司机向一山民打听：“请问，这附近哪儿能买到汽车配件?”

　　山民说：“这条路上经常有人开英雄车，前面不远处是个急转弯，急转弯的下面就是深谷，那深谷里什么样的汽车配件都有——根本用不着花钱。”

　　拍卖会上 At Auction Fair

　　At auction spot, someone has lost a bag, in which has the vital document.

　　The owner says, "Once who picked it up brings it to me, I will take out 200 dollars to remunerate reward him or her."

　　On hearing the news, another chap(小伙子，家伙) shouts out:" I reward 300 dollars."

　　拍卖会上，有人的包丢了，里面装有重要文件。物主说：“有谁拣到送还，我将拿出200美元以表酬谢。”

　　话刚出口，就听有人喊：“我出300美元。”

　　The Doctor Knows Better

　　A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."

　　"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.

　　Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."

　　"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

　　一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院。他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说：“我想他伤得很厉害。”

　　医生说：“恐怕他已经死了。”

　　听到医生的话，这个男人转动着头说：“我没死，我还活着。”

　　妻子说：“安静，医生比你懂得多。”

　　I Don't Need to Steal Any More

　　The owner of a large department store went over hisbooks and discovered that his most trusted employee had stolenover a million dollars from the firm.“I want no scandal，” saidthe owner.“I'll just fire you.” The employee replied，“True，I robbed your firm of quitea tidy sum. I now have yachts， a country mansion， jewelry，and every luxury you can think of. I don't need a thing， sowhy hire somebody else and have him start from scratch?”

　　一家大百货店的老板在查帐中发现，他最信任的雇员从公司偷走了一百多万美元。“我不要丑闻。”老板说。“我只要开除你。”那个雇员回答说：“不错，我是偷了你公司相当一大笔钱。现在我有游艇、一座乡村别墅、珠宝，以及你能想到的`一切 奢侈品。我什么都不需要了，你为什么要再雇个人来，让他从头做起呢?”

　　合理的忧伤

　　On his deathbed poor Lubin lies; His spouse is in despair; With frequent sobs and mutual cries; They both express their care. “A different cause，”says Parson Sly， “The same effect may give： Poor Lubin fears that he may die ; His wife，that he may live”.

　　马修·普赖厄 可怜的鲁宾躺在他的病床里; 他的妻子陷入绝望; 频频啜泣，相对哭啼， 他们都表达着忧伤。 “不同原因，”滑头牧师说， “可产生同样结果： 可怜的鲁宾怕他会死; 他老婆，怕他会活。”

　　Compare other things?比一下其他?

　　Compare other things?比一下其他?

　　Son: Mom, John has a pair of shoes with Gordon’s name signed.

　　Mom: You just care about this? Haven’t you compared other things?

　　Son: Yes, his mother is prettier than you.

　　儿子：妈妈，John有双乔丹签名的球鞋。

　　妈妈：你只关心这个吗?不会比一下其它东西?

　　儿子：有啊，他妈妈比你漂亮。

　　What are the Two Words?

　　A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter. My dear, said the old lady, I wish you would do something for me. I wish you would promise me never to use two words. One is ‘lousy’ and the other is ‘swell’. Would you promise me that?

　　Why, sure, Granny, said the girl. What are the two words?

　　一个非常和蔼的老夫人有几句话要对她的孙女说。我亲爱的，老夫人说，我希望你能帮我一个忙。我要你答应永远不要用两个词，一个是“讨厌的”，另一个是“极好的”。你能答应我吗?

　　噢，当然，奶奶。女孩说：是哪两个词?